Crap Valentines

Anybody looking for a bit of fun for St Val Doonican's Day need look no further. All posted on the hashtag #CrapValentine on Twitter! :o)

Roses are reddish,
And don’t come in blue
But violets are rubbish,
I got some for you!

Roses are dead,
Violence is blue…
…and black is the colour
Of this Guinness stew

Roses for Ed
And violets for Yeo
His members don’t like him
So he had to ‘geo’

Rose’s is red
And Violet’s is blue
These kinky sex safe words
Are tricky to do

Roses and red
And violet and blue.
I can sing a rainbow,
But I don’t remember it going like this.

Rosie’s a redhead
And Violet is too
And they are both sistahs
So fuck off you rapists!

Roses and posies and
Violets and you.
I’m sitting here thinking
While I have a poo.

Roses are red
Or pinker in shade.
But, give someone violets,
You ain’t getting laid

Labour is red
Tories are blue
More women in politics?
Have you thought this through?

Roses are red
And prettier than some
But nothing says gay
Like a cock up yer bum.

Rose says to Ed:
You big bunch of Nellies,
The water’s at knee high,
Right over your wellies.

Roses are red
They grow on the mountain
I’ve stopped touching you now
So please stop your shoutin’

Roses in Bedford
Violets in bloom
Immigrants in sheds for
There ‘isn’t’ no room.

Roses for Ed
My, what a farce
He goes down to Somerset
To look like an arse.

Roses are romantic,
Violets are for your gran.
But give a girl White Lightning
And you’re well in there, my man!

Roses and violets
Are all over Twitter.
But you shouldn’t write poetry
Sat on the shitter.

Roses are red and
They’re all very well.
But this year give garlic
And she'll give you hell.

Roses are red
And they grow in a bed.
They say violets are blue
But that’s not really true.

Roses have greenfly
But violets have none.
Give violets for Valentine’s
But don’t expect any fucking gratitude…

Roses for romance
And violets for borders
Quick, get her kalied
Before they call last orders

Roses are red
And bring you much luck
On Valentine’s Day
They might get you a prize.

Roses are best
Before they are dead
Give them on Valentine’s
And she’ll give you a nice present.

Roses are said
To come from the heart
But eat all those chocolates
And you’re going to… get fat.

Roses are red
But you can get a blue one
Give one to a feminist
And she’ll tear you a new one.

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