Trumping

Continuing the week's Trumpestuous theme the title of this post says it all. Obama met Trump yesterday and you can just imagine the frost in the room as icicles formed on the bust of Martin Luther King. I expected a peremptory handshake and then down to brisk business but the session lasted over an hour and that is plenty of time to air a few honest opinions. Boy, oh boy wouldn't you have wanted to be a fly on that particular wall? Well, I have news. Thanks to a leaked transcript of a covert recording I can reveal at least a part of that momentous liaison.

After the pleasantries which were decidedly formal and after the quick tour of the ‘facilities’ the two sat down together and hammered out an agreement that the transition will be business-like, polite and courteous. They concurred that following a somewhat tempestuous relationship it was time to bury the hatchet for the good of the nation and yada, yada, yada... that’s the guff you got on the news. What hasn’t been reported, until now, is what they really talked about for the rest of the time. Well, it all began harmlessly enough.

After a brief confusion when Obama whispered something to Trump which sounded like “I can still have you killed” but was hastily repeated as “I can see you have skills” the talk was steered away from the political to the personal as each man recounted anecdotes from the road that had led them to this place. “When I was born...” began Barack “In Hawaii, right?” interrupted Donald. “Uh, yeah, whatever,” said Barack and continued “...we were pretty poor. My mom brought me up to work hard and she told me, 'Son, you can be whoever you want to be'. I set my sights on getting to the top and look, here I am.”

Donald graciously let him finish that sentence but with unseemly haste, not pausing to digest the story, waded straight in with, “Well see, I was bored one afternoon and I wondered what I should be great at next. Then I saw you on TV and decided, there and then, I’ll do that; I can do better than that.” Barack nodded ruefully as Donald carried on “So, I made a few calls and next thing you know I’m on the campaign trail and let me tell you, the people loved me and now, here I am. It ain’t that hard.”

“I tell you what was hard, Donald, growing up in poverty” Obama continued. “After my mom remarried we moved to Indonesia and lived for a while in a tiny shack in Jakarta. There was no running water and we had to share a toilet with three other families.” Trump looked on with an expression party pity, part condescension. “I grew up owning New York City” he boasted, “I could take my pick of where I wanted to live. The Trumps are the embodiment of the American dream.”

Preparations are under way for the inauguration parade

“I didn’t do so bad, though, for a poor black kid” replied Obama, “Look at all this.” He spread his arms to indicate the splendour of the White House. Trump wasn’t impressed. “You call this grand?” he asked, “This is nothing. Why I once had this country estate and I tell you, it used to take me over an hour to drive from the gate to the main house!” Barack Obama looked ruefully over at Donald Trump, momentarily lost for words at his bombastic attitude. It was clear that whatever he said would be trumped by the new President-elect. He just shook his head, sighed and nodded. “I once had a car like that...”