Sunday 31 July 2011

Welcome to the new world order

Okay, so it's not the most original title, but it's the way it's going to be. Here, at least.

I figure somebody has to be in charge - the politicians aren't, the proletariat certainly isn't - and it might just as well be me. And besides, I have some great ideas; simple but effective, relatively cheap and without, so far as I can see, any major downsides. Okay, there are some downsides, but you're going to get that with any new regime.

First up, I need a title and words such as 'despot' and 'dictator' send out all the wrong messages. But who doesn't want to be called 'King', right? So, King it shall be and this, of course, makes you all my subjects. That's okay; we can start formal and get more familiar later. In due course you can call me 'Your Majesty' and if you get really close I'll be happy with a simple' Sir'.

Anyway, I'll be a great king. I'll make everybody happy. By decree. When I say 'everybody' I mean of course 'everybody left' because my first big contribution to world peace and harmony is going to be snipers. That's right, snipers, in the plural. No lone gunmen for me, instead I will install government-approved (that's me-approved) snipers at pretty much every vantage point. At street corners, railway stations, airports, school playing fields and the tops of tall buildings.

And they will have minimal restraint and a whole lot of autonomy. You guys will soon get the message.

[Added 17th April 2014: Now you can return to today's post, having got the gist.]   :o)

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