New policies for old?

Jeremy Corbyn’s new kinder, gentler politics are unravelling. It’ a shame, however, that as most people have the political memory of a goldfish and the concentration span of – ooh, look, squirrel! – he will be forgiven, as befits the son of god on earth. He has been spending his summer holiday doing what he does best: mingling with crowds of the confused, promising them that they will inherit the Earth, just as soon as he can persuade enough of the gullible to put him into office.

A man of principle, is his billing. And indeed he does have, it seems, many principles, all of them apparently worked out on the back of a fag packet and initiated by the merest hint that there may be votes in it. Like every other demagogue in history he seeks but one thing, to have his grubby paws on the levers of power, from which position he will proceed to pull those levers every which way... with the inevitable train crash as a result.

Don’t be fooled, chldren. That Werther’s Original stained beard and that jaunty communist cap; those baggy trainers and the engaging way he tells his little porky pies about how ‘Joan, the care assistant’ or ‘Harry, the police pensioner’ have written to ask him to ask Mrs May an embarrassing question every Wednesday are all smoke and mirrors. Behind the beguiling grandpa figure is a calculating, vote-hungry, still-angry, old-school commie, desperate to prove that real socialism – which, incidentally, has never been tried anywhere, ever, especially after it has failed – will surely work, given a chance.

Don’t give him that chance. Kids, remember the unaffordable tuition fee scrapping promise, which has now vanished into thin air along with its £100billion cost? How about his hard-Brexit, soft-Brexit, ever flexible policy which changes like a straw in the wind with every poll outcome; which one is it, Jeremy? What exactly IS Labour policy on enacting the outcome of the democratic vote of last year? How about the four new Bank Holidays he’s just pledged, at a price to you, the taxpayers of a mere £2billion-plus per day; how will they be paid for?

And just yesterday he appears to have said that we mustn’t blame islamists for supporting ISIS, an islamist organisation, hell bent on imposing sharia by violence. It’s merely a political view, as is his support of Hezbollah. I do hope – but don’t anticipate – he will express the same understanding of those who express views contrary to his left-wing fanaticism; oh, wait, of course, they are all neo-Nazis now, aren’t they? I forgot, mea culpa, my bad.

There isn’t a single tangible, workable thing about any of Labours populist policies that you can point to and say ‘that’ll do it’. I thought populism was a nasty, right-wing thing, you’re thinking, but no; think again. Rent caps, price freezes, hiking minimum wages, ending zero-hour contracts that even Labour and their supporters themselves use. Fixing education, transport, defence and the glorious socialist republican people’s monolith the NHS [peace be upon it] - all will be well if you just vote Steptoe.

Choose life...

If you think we currently have an actual Conservative Party in power, you’re an idiot. If you think that life in the UK is just peachy for everybody, you are an idiot. If you think that you can make people richer by legislating to increase wages you are an idiot. If you think that diversity is more important than competence you are an idiot. If you profit by working in the burgeoning offence-seeking industry without a sense of guilt, you are an idiot. And if you think that Jeremy Corbyn is the answer to your dumb, dumb existence, you are just one more Leninist useful idiot in a country being swamped by them.

How does this help?

Dig coal out of the ground, likewise iron ore and use the two to make steel with which to build our world. Till the soil, cultivate crops and turn the produce into sustenance for the workers. Design things, erect factories, make those things and distribute them to where they are in demand. Teach young people what they need to know to be able to participate in the myriad activities that generate wealth. Also teach them how society works, and teach them their duties and responsibilities towards others.

Make, build, fix, deliver... and repeat. Busy hands, encouraged by the prospect of better lives, create riches, tangible riches that can be used to provide the less easily auditable services that are often a loss on the balance sheet. Hospitals to treat those who need it. A justice system that can be used to protect us all from the minority who can’t be persuaded to eschew their destructive urges. And a safety net of welfare and social care to look after those who simply cannot look after themselves.

Isn’t this the basis for a civilised society? Every piece of the jigsaw should contribute to the finished picture; you can’t just tip in the contents of half-finished jigsaws of a completely different image. The only way you can fit the alien pieces into the national canvas is by removing or deforming what was there before. Or by insisting that the corrupted and unpleasant mish-mash that results was what the box lid promised all along.

The picture may be continually evolving, but if it doesn’t improve it, it shouldn’t be in the box. The meddlesome imposition of ever more perverse ways of disposing of the wealth we create and of distorting the society we want to live in is destructive. The separation of rights from responsibilities by the ever more bizarre outcomes of the human rights industry is simply irresponsible. The insistence on enforcing some nebulous notion of ‘equality and diversity and inclusion’ is costly and destructive.

A society is not the same as a company and maybe profit and wealth aren’t the only metrics, but surely, like any successful enterprise, a nation should keep on asking, ‘how does this help’? How does it help that one ‘community’ is protected from criticism? How does it help that police forces seem determined to create and prosecute imaginary crimes under the label of hate? How does it help to insist that perceptions of gender identity that border on mental illness are not only normal, but should be promoted relentlessly among impressionable children?

We can't just keep on doing this.

If we are navigating choppy waters surely steadying the ship is what is required; not loading it up with ever more unstable elements. There is a highly visible and apparently growing segment of our society whose aims are unclear, but who relentlessly demonstrate, sometimes with menaces, for conflicting changes they can neither define nor safely bring about. Instead of indulging them we should be clinically examining their negative contributions to our national efforts and asking, quite firmly, how does this help? Because, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t belong. 

The Last

Today was a landmark day. The struggle is over and ahead we can clearly see the glorious future we have fought for; all equal under law, all equally cherished in humanity. Our horizons are limitless and as we join hands in a giant circle embracing the world you can feel the love, now that the Nazis have finally, finally, been defeated. This day will go down in history; this is the start of a new epoch. And yet it all started out so... ordinary.

In truth, life has been getting more and more difficult lately. The trains just don’t run any more and buses are hard to come by, although we managed to locally ‘nationalise’ a fleet as they were abandoned. The drivers, cowards to a man, just parked and fled when they encountered our daily protests, but that’s the extreme, far, ultra-right for you; no guts, no fight left in them. But still evil enough to salt the earth as they went, leaving factories unmanned and fields unharvested; only they knew how to work those things.

We helped ourselves of course, as is our creed; all for one and grab what you can. We knew that the evil fascists would bring the country to its knees and so it proved. Before the rise of the right we were one of the richest countries in the world, but it was all built on the back of slavery and colonialism; a price we knew we would have to repay one day. The capitalists just didn’t understand, but we began to put in place the mechanism to defeat them; to tear down their gilded walls and bring them to their knees.

What did they do? They took their gold and their white supremacist sentiments and set out to bankrupt the country. Bankers, scientists, engineers, builders... all the running dogs of the so called free market, who could not stomach our beautiful egalitarianism, left these islands of ours forever. But thankfully the teachers, the human resources and diversity experts, our trades union brothers and sisters and all the greens and vegans in the land stayed behind. And the precious jewel in our crown? The wonder that is the perilously underfunded NHS.

But still, even from beyond our shores, the evil Tories continued to wreck our cherished society, by forcing us to borrow ever more to keep us enslaved and further depress our standards of living. As the squeeze began to take effect we knew we had to keep on fighting for our freedoms. Together we, the Antifa and all our allies in the war against hate, pressurised what was left of government to enshrine in sacred law a definition of hate that could be weaponised on a whim.

All those years of getting our people into place; Common Purpose, the muslim brotherhood, committed Marxists and feminists, the rainbow people of the LGBT coalition... and Liberal Democrats. Finally, it paid off. There was no way back for the fascists. Not that there was anything much for them to come back to; they took it all.

But what of today, you ask? Today was wonderful beyond all expectation. It began as usual with the daily assembly in Trafalgar Square, where the toppled wreckage of Nelson’s column sat in silent testimony to the power we now hold. From there the march along the usual route to Westminster, via The Mall, the burned-down barracks of Horse Guards Parade, the rubble of Downing Street and the ransacked wasteland of the Imperial War Museum. And then we saw him...

No more fighting...

At first it was with disbelief but then, as one, the crowd recognised the man we had all been looking for. Rumours had spread that he was in hiding, wearing a mask, trying to find a way out of the country. But with all ports shut down and airports at a standstill, it was only a matter of time. And now we had him. Against our numbers and our righteous belief he had no defence and we hunted him down, like the animal he was. And now, as our brave band of brothers and sisters disperse to begin our foraging, our victory is complete. From the scaffold on the last plinth in Parliament Square, where the fat man used to stand, swings the wretched body of the last white man on Earth.

Statues

Trump is what you get when you offer people no alternative. Things may not have been perfect back in the good old days when we grew up (this is a moveable phenomenon; one’s childhood was invariably a happier time, when we were blissfully ignorant of reality) but at least we perceived a sort of balance. Most people had jobs, raised their families, had ambitions and pursued them, and the left and right were a relative minority of crackpots who believed the world was out to get them unless they struck first

But, conspiracy or not, planned or otherwise, deliberate or by sheer happenstance, the centre ground drifted inexorably to the left. Disguised as peace, equality, diversity, inclusion, multiculturalism, vibrancy or one of the hundreds of epithets used to entice new followers to the socialist big-state dream, the left-bound limp continued. Oh, the left? They’re harmless enough; just a bunch of old hippies and young student revolutionaries. They’ll grow out of it... or die off.

But they didn’t, did they? Emboldened by their acceptance in the upper circles of governments worldwide, as society became softer and weaker, they took advantage and began to shape the developed world in their own image. Live-and-let-live gave way to live as we tell you to live and without the necessity to strive for survival, our relative prosperity enabled alternative lifestyles, suckling from the teat of state, yet without gratitude; in fact with an attitude of entitlement. Then they began to bite the hand that fed.

White supremacy? That’s the latest attack line is it? How desperate is that? Look, we already accepted that in your eyes we are, all of us who pay the actual taxes, ‘literally’ Hitler. We have taken on the chin your repeated accusations of racism, sexism, homophobia and gender bigotry. But the fact remains that via groups like Antifa, Hope-not-Hate, Unite Against Fascism, BLM, et al, it is whites who have borne the brunt of a sustained ideological attack in all western societies, simply for being white.

And now they are tearing down the statues, erasing history, fomenting yet more antipathy. The fear of being on the wrong side of the argument even cowed Theresa May into saying she saw ‘no equivalence between those who propound fascist views and those who oppose them’. Really? How about an equivalence between, say, muslim murderers mowing down people in Barcelona and fascism? No? Of course not, because the left will never condemn a cause they have espoused as their own. White supremacy? How about brown supremacy?

"Britain has a problem with British Pakistani men raping and exploiting white girls" said Sarah Champion, for which she was forced to ‘resign’. David Lammy and his morose band of useful idiots sign a letter condemning an article addressing the muslim problem. And then, Barcelona. The now regular diet of islamic violence has been horrific, unrelenting and has brought with it an endless stream of condemnation... not of islam, the faith that all of the terrorists hold, but of  islamophobia.

Statues did this?

Daily, the left and all its factions rally round their unpatriotic flags and tell each other that they aren’t worthy and all whites should be shot. They form mobs whenever a noticeably different opinion rears its fragile head and use violence to suppress dissent. Is it just possible that sympathy for a right-of-centre viewpoint is far bigger than they had anticipated and bubbles just below the surface? The backlash is coming - people voted for Trump because they didn't want to vote for the alternative. Because, against the real enemies of justice and peace, there IS no alternative.

Monkeys? What has this to do with monkeys?

If we evolved from monkeys, how come there are still monkeys? If the Conservatives are so economically competent, how come they’ve had to borrow so much money? Yeah, well if monopolies are so bad, how come there is only one Monopolies Commission? Answer me that! These and many more are the afterthought clinchers, the killer responses that you thought of just after the debate ended. They are also – like so many of these killer retorts – mostly as insubstantial as the rest of the preceding argument. Oft as not you later realise they were as fallacious as all that went before.

Thus has the Brexit war proceeded; from who is going to staff our NHS and who is going to pick our fruit, as one trite objection has surfaced and become mundane by repetition, another has sprung up to nudge it off the headlines. Damn you, employment figures, damn you, financial Armageddon and your insistence on not showing up to the party we held in your honour. Why can’t we get Brexiteers to admit that they were wrong? So very, very wrong; can’t they see how insignificant, ignorant, xenophobic, small-minded and... and... just wrong, they are?

In the face of all this we have offered up a wry smile, pointed to the Brexit scoreboard (52:48, by the way, in case you’d forgotten) and got on with our lives. Because, while the overall demeanour of the average ardent EU-phile has been one of gloom, despondency and downright, fist-balled, pessimistic fury, the average Outer has largely carried on regardless with a spring in his step and  jaunty little whistle. Like watching a tantrum-fuelled toddler thrashing about, we find the whole situation hilarious. While we might express some concern for those who are merely confused, when it comes to seeing those who had assumed ultimate authority over all our lives suddenly losing their grip, what’s not to like?

They’ve put their oh-so-clever heads together, they who have long peddled Project Fear and launched their latest afterthought clincher, to wit: “If Brexit is such a good idea, give me one tangible, practical example of the benefits.” It’s everywhere right now, that challenge. But Just as they misread the mood of the people on whom were imposed illiberal thought policing, multicultural mayhem and the idiocy of diversity above all, they have misread the battlefield they are playing on. They are going to be so cross when they find out.

‘Studies’ show how low-information voters defy the carefully constructed machinations of those who know so much better... But (and this especially includes all who make a living from trying to understand how people work ) those same studies often backfire and demonstrate nothing so much as how a closed mind – the very thing they accuse us of – is incapable of understanding how people work. Philosophers, ‘humanists’, economists, politicians, psychologists, ‘thought leaders’... the list goes on; the experts are revealed to be charlatans and self-interested frauds.

Brexit isn’t a tangible, practical thing; it doesn’t come with a list of ‘benefits’. Brexit has revealed itself to be more of an emotional tool and it has shone a light on much that we long suspected. On completion of the ‘divorce’ process there will be no miracle new way; nobody expects that. But there won’t be a cliff-edge disaster either because life will go on and opportunistic humans will make the most of it and yes, that includes even the remainers who seem so desperate right now for it to fail.

We are sanguine in the face of your ceaseless insults because what Brexit has shown is that the power can be prised from the grasp of the elites and that while democracy may be far from perfect it still gives us the freedom to exercise our will. And more, the reaction against Brexit has revealed just how much contempt those elites – academic, political, sociological, etc – hold for we ‘little people’. We now know, if we hadn’t known before, that you can’t trust a disinterested third party with the personal freedoms you hold so precious. You wanted a tangible benefit of voting for Brexit? That alone is priceless.

It’s not you, it’s me

We’ve been together a long time, you and I and I still love you, I really do, only... Only, it’s different now. When I look at my life now I see I have lost myself; I no longer know where I fit in and I seem to exist only to keep you in the manner to which you have – all too doggedly – become accustomed. No matter what the issue, it’s always about what you want and frankly it’s just been easier to give in and let you have your way.

But it’s more than that. When we first married our fortunes together, when we first tied that knot, I was the dashing young beau, headstrong and fearless and you let me lead the way. But over the years our union has soured and more often than not I feel like the hired help, the junior partner, a mere possession. Or maybe even your slave? You spend my money without ever consulting me. You decide the when, what, where and how of our relationship while I, like a faithful but very tired old gun dog, creakily pull myself together and go out to work.

Once, we laughed and cried together, we stood together, we were as one, but I was unhappy inside almost all of the time. I had my reservations from the start, but I threw in my hand because you made promises. You kept all your other friends while I abandoned mine to stay close to you. And anyway, you never liked my crowd, did you? After a while it was just easier for me to let my old life go and become the butt of your jokes. Oh yes, don’t think I was never hurt when you made me dance to your tune and then mocked me to entertain your cabal of intimates.

And there’s that as well, intimacy. The last time we moved together was so long ago, but still I endured your increasingly open contempt; I became the whipping boy for all of your own inadequacies. I became a hollow shell in comparison to what I once was. So it is time to go our own ways; it is time to part. I wanted a simple, straight down the middle, no blame divorce, but even that isn’t good enough, is it? You want to take everything, including what I brought to the relationship.

You say you want the house, the business... the lot. You say I’m nothing without you. And you know what? I don’t care any more. All I need is the clothes I stand up in and to have a clean break. You can’t take what I know, you can’t take my abilities. I can stand on my own two feet; after all, I did it for years before you tried to break me. And that’s another thing - you can’t take my spirit; whatever you believe, we are better off apart.

I know your new best friend, Mark Carney, is still trying to blame me, but it’s not my fault and the sooner you let me go, the happier we all will be. So in words you will understand I bid you adieu, addio, despedida, farväl, afscheid, αποχαιρετισμός, сбогом, búcsú, pożegnanie and auf wiedersehen, pet. So long and farewell, EU; don’t stay in touch.