New policies for old?

Jeremy Corbyn’s new kinder, gentler politics are unravelling. It’ a shame, however, that as most people have the political memory of a goldfish and the concentration span of – ooh, look, squirrel! – he will be forgiven, as befits the son of god on earth. He has been spending his summer holiday doing what he does best: mingling with crowds of the confused, promising them that they will inherit the Earth, just as soon as he can persuade enough of the gullible to put him into office.

A man of principle, is his billing. And indeed he does have, it seems, many principles, all of them apparently worked out on the back of a fag packet and initiated by the merest hint that there may be votes in it. Like every other demagogue in history he seeks but one thing, to have his grubby paws on the levers of power, from which position he will proceed to pull those levers every which way... with the inevitable train crash as a result.

Don’t be fooled, chldren. That Werther’s Original stained beard and that jaunty communist cap; those baggy trainers and the engaging way he tells his little porky pies about how ‘Joan, the care assistant’ or ‘Harry, the police pensioner’ have written to ask him to ask Mrs May an embarrassing question every Wednesday are all smoke and mirrors. Behind the beguiling grandpa figure is a calculating, vote-hungry, still-angry, old-school commie, desperate to prove that real socialism – which, incidentally, has never been tried anywhere, ever, especially after it has failed – will surely work, given a chance.

Don’t give him that chance. Kids, remember the unaffordable tuition fee scrapping promise, which has now vanished into thin air along with its £100billion cost? How about his hard-Brexit, soft-Brexit, ever flexible policy which changes like a straw in the wind with every poll outcome; which one is it, Jeremy? What exactly IS Labour policy on enacting the outcome of the democratic vote of last year? How about the four new Bank Holidays he’s just pledged, at a price to you, the taxpayers of a mere £2billion-plus per day; how will they be paid for?

And just yesterday he appears to have said that we mustn’t blame islamists for supporting ISIS, an islamist organisation, hell bent on imposing sharia by violence. It’s merely a political view, as is his support of Hezbollah. I do hope – but don’t anticipate – he will express the same understanding of those who express views contrary to his left-wing fanaticism; oh, wait, of course, they are all neo-Nazis now, aren’t they? I forgot, mea culpa, my bad.

There isn’t a single tangible, workable thing about any of Labours populist policies that you can point to and say ‘that’ll do it’. I thought populism was a nasty, right-wing thing, you’re thinking, but no; think again. Rent caps, price freezes, hiking minimum wages, ending zero-hour contracts that even Labour and their supporters themselves use. Fixing education, transport, defence and the glorious socialist republican people’s monolith the NHS [peace be upon it] - all will be well if you just vote Steptoe.

Choose life...

If you think we currently have an actual Conservative Party in power, you’re an idiot. If you think that life in the UK is just peachy for everybody, you are an idiot. If you think that you can make people richer by legislating to increase wages you are an idiot. If you think that diversity is more important than competence you are an idiot. If you profit by working in the burgeoning offence-seeking industry without a sense of guilt, you are an idiot. And if you think that Jeremy Corbyn is the answer to your dumb, dumb existence, you are just one more Leninist useful idiot in a country being swamped by them.