Confessional

Nigel Farage stood on a stage with Donald Trump and the lefty world exploded into a frothing maelstrom of outrage. This is fascism, wrote Tom Peck in a fine example of the type of journalism that has Owen Jones fans salivating and self-flagellating as they express their love of all humanity via the medium of unbridled hatred. Quite a few of the usual suspects joined in to form their own little Nuremburg Rally of irony as they sought to rouse their army of compliant drones to retweet their righteous fury. It was hilarious.

Other things occupying the minds of the eternally offended were the French burkini ban, Jeremy Corbyn’s train journey shenanigans, bodies washing up at Camber Sands and the annual horrorshow of callow youth opening manilla envelopes to reveal their pointless exam results to a disinterested world. Odd then, in this sea of business as usual, that the tragic and catastrophic earthquake in central Italy got so little social media coverage. But maybe that was because it couldn’t be blamed on Brexit, islamophobia, climate change deniers, Tories... or Nigel Farage.

The prepossessions of the left are tantamount to religion; absolute faith in something that defies reality. Who am I to deny anybody their obsessions, just so long as it does nobody any harm? For many people religion offers a lifelong comfort and it would surely be wrong to deprive somebody of that security, but when following the creed starts to turn nasty, as many religions have, dissenting voices must be heard. For most people, however, religion is a mere cultural backdrop to their life, most falling out of touch with their church except for certain ritualised gatherings. And many happily do without any form of faith throughout their lives.

But, I’m guessing you can tell the atheist from the agnostic not so much by what they do with their time on earth but what they do as they near the end of it. On which thought I am reminded of the old man and the priest:

The old man entered a Catholic church, sought out the priest and requested access to the confessional. The priest escorted him to the booth and they both sat down. "I am 82 years old, Father,” he began “And I have been faithfully married to the same woman for almost sixty years.” The priest smiled from his side of the screen and asked “So, what of your confession?” The old man excitedly told him “Last night, I had full-on, lustful, extended sexual relations with a pair of twenty-three year old twins!”

The Priest was taken aback, but recovered his composure to ask "How long has it been since your last confession?" To which the old man replied “This is my first time. I'm Jewish." The priest was annoyed and demanded to know why on earth he was here, wasting the church’s time and telling him all about his sordid little adventure. The old man replied “Hey, I'm telling everybody!”