Dying Breed

I'm not having a baby, royal or otherwise and I'm not famous for anything else, nor do I want to be on the telly embarrassing myself as a talentless wannabe or a Jeremy Kyle freak show exhibit. I'm not black, yellow, ginger or pikey. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, colour-blindness, laziness or any other 'special' need. I've never required extra tuition, classroom assistance or help with my homework, neither have I ever been taken to a safari park on public funds.

I've worked all my life, paid my taxes, never seen a tax credit or a 'benefit' and I don't need legislation to make me behave decently towards others. If my car fails to start, I set off for work early enough that I can walk or catch a bus. If I'm ever late it is always my own fault (I'm never late) and I always meet deadlines.

If I am carrying a spare tyre it is because I eat too much and only I can reverse that. I don't incapacitate myself with illegal substances and I make my own decisions about whether or not to drink coffee at Starbucks or eat at any restaurant. (What is it with paying a small fortune for coffee anyway?) I can also cook, clean, make and mend all by myself, not because I can't afford to pay somebody else to do it, although I can't, but because being dependent really doesn't suit me.

I get no winter fuel payments, mobility allowances or child benefit, I don't need to be reminded to vote and I have yet to be taken in by a Ponzi scheme or other such scam. (I recognise that I have also missed some good investment opportunities by exercising the same caution.) My house isn't in negative equity because I bought what I could afford and my current credit card balance is £136, a charge I incurred just seven days ago. If I lose my current employment it will either be my fault or else nobody's fault and it will be entirely my responsibility to find another way of making a living.

I read several newspapers to get a balanced view and I rarely take any reportage at face value. I regard any stories involving statistics with suspicion and I am knowledgeable enough to realise that few journalists ever fully understand some of the technical issues they write about. I know that the job of a newspaper is to sell copy, so the hard facts are usually secondary to intriguing headlines and I occasionally bother to dig deeper, which is why I know that the truth behind much political news is so much blander than the partisan press versions.

When I was a lad that's how I was taught to be. When I was a lad, I believe that was what most of us aspired to. When I was a lad it was understood that we could all aspire to be whatever we wanted to be, but that raw ability, hard work and perseverance would be needed to actually rise above the herd and we valued little that which was handed out on a plate.When I was a lad we cared for those who couldn't but thought despicable those who merely couldn't be bothered.

Now, however, I appear to be in the minority. As a white, working male I am the antithesis of the new world order. I'm a dying breed, facing extinction. I should be the purpose of a preservation charity, fighting for my survival... or at least be able to apply for a grant.