Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Missing all the points…

When you dance on swords it’s important you don’t step on the sharp bits. Fortunately for Ed Muddleband, David Cam-on-down and Nick Clogg, their chances of being on the receiving ends of any actual points are vanishingly small as they head up to Jockland to put their shoulders to the Scottish Independence wheel of misfortune.

What they hope to achieve, they say – while resolutely refusing to say it in unison – is that the auld place just wouldnae be the same without ‘oor’ canny wee neighbour in the north; for mark my words, at least one of them will be taken up with their own rhetoric and  come over all Caledonian in the telling. Quite what Scotland will make of the miserable episode is anybody’s guess...

Actually it’s not. Despite what the polls say, most have their minds made up and those who are agin the union will only harden their resolve on seeing the pathetic, belated attempt by hated ENGLISH(ish) politicians to woo their vote. Those who are minded to opt for retaining the status quo will suck their teeth but maintain their preference while cursing under their breath that these idiot interlopers have revealed their desperation with over a week to go.

What was it we used to say about waiting till we could see the whites of their eyes? In the case of Glasgow that would, of course, be ‘the reds’ (in more ways than one) but the party leaders could at least have limited their damage by leaving it until the eleventh hour. This way it’s like poking a hornet’s nest with a stick. What’s that angry whining noise? It’s the sound of half a million Buckfast-fuelled Weegies sensing Sassenachs on their turf with time to mobilise against them.

I secretly hope that Scotland will go it alone; we need a precedent for the big push to get out of the EU, but it’s not going to happen, is it? Even if a Yes vote was returned I reckon the now traditional EU ruling would apply and they’d have to re-run the ballot until the politically acceptable 'correct' result was obtained. But none of that will be necessary, will it? Despite what some polls suggest, I’ve already called it at around 60/40 for the NO vote – just you watch.

But isn’t it the point – one of many that the gleesome threesome will never understand - that it’s for the Scottish to decide? How can we gad about the world demanding the rights of people to determine their own futures when we deny it to our oldest partners right here on our doorstep?

Is it a bir... Oh fuck, it's Miliband.
Ed McMiliband... 
a disaster coming to a country near you.

Anyway, all that’s left is to settle back and watch the Westminster Wankers, the Wizards of Odd, make twats of themselves for a day or so. Ye ken, pal? A bacon buttie is child’s play in the face of the photo-opportunity potential of a deep-fried haggis and Mars Bar pizza. And while Cameron might just about be able to pull it off, there being a clan tartan after all, Gawd 'elp us all if Ed Miliband attempts to wear a kilt…


  1. "....- that it’s for the Scottish to decide? ....." Not forgetting the Latvians, Albanians, Poles, Abyssinians, English, Welsh, Irish, Africans and Croats living in Scotland, all of whom will be able to say 'yes' or 'no', while Scots living or working outside the country have no say at all. It's strange that Yorkie Hague, when Foreign Secretary, stated that the vote for independence by the people in Eastern Ukraine was not valid as the rest of Ukraine had no say, yet is quite happy for the reverse to apply to Scotland. I would suggest that if the 'yes' vote wins, independence is granted, and the whole Salmond plan turns out to be like a story from Oor Wullie, then all the Latvians, etc, will depart their cherished new country and apply for asylum south of the electric fences and heavily armed watchtowers on the border. A friend in the banking industry made a comment that anyone in Scotland with a mortgage from an English bank or building society may have to pay more as the transaction will be classed as a foreign mortgage, like those living in Spain or France who bought their properties through British mortgages. Not certain if this is so, but all this shows that the Union, far from being a democracy, is merely an ineptocarcy.

    1. It's still fuck-all to do with me!

  2. Miliband in a kilt? Well he has done the Jewish sucking up to Islam whilst almost choking on a bacon sarnie routine, so why not? The fact that he has no Scottish ancestry whatsoever and such blatant desecration of the Scottish traditional dress by a metrosexual London Jew would be the last straw.