Monday, 27 February 2017


According to Genesis: ‘God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky [and] over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image [and] said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” On the seventh day he rested from all his work.’

Maybe if he hadn’t been such a workshy gadfly, god could have spent a bit more time on his least perfect creation, the one supposedly made in his image. Because, frankly, as a species we’re a bit shit. Or did man not copy down the lord’s words verbatim? Are we, or are we not made in the image of the perfect, omnipotent being? Or is this just yet another example of a boo-boo made by those who actually believe all this; yet more flawed thinking by the ‘prove god doesn’t exist’ cadre?

Maybe a better approach to persuading those who have heard the inner voice to return to Planet Earth is the argument; okay, say he does exist, but look around you. He’s made a right fuck up of all this; why would you want to even believe in him, let alone worship him? And.. what? He’s saying “Kill them all”? Why, that’s perfectly rational. Has he a reason? Oh, I see, just kill the ones who don’t believe in him? And the logic of all this is rational... how?

Most of us live with our imperfections and manage to cope with the disappointments that sentience brings. Every other species seems to manage by simply getting on with their limited scope of activity; eat, sleep, procreate and repeat. Imagine a sheep that didn’t like grass; imagine a seal that didn’t like fish. But humans are never satisfied and our quest for meaning makes us dream up stories to sate our curiosity and where that doesn’t do the trick we take things apart to see how they work... and when we still don’t know, we create more gods so we have somebody to blame.

The god of Twitter must have been facepalming like crazy as one made in lazy-god’s image had an almighty meltdown over the weekend. We all know how Twitter works. Lily Allen especially, knows how Twitter works, but once again she broke it to such an extent that it made the national news. Of course, in the modern era we don’t always have to take things apart to fix them; sometimes they just need a reset. Maybe we should turn Lily Allen off and then back on again. On second thoughts, scrap that last bit.

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