Friday, 14 September 2012
Skools for Fools
Now that my Marxist mentor has educated in me in the ways of high finance and I truly understand the path of righteousness, it seems I am ready for Part 2 of my transformation to true believer. Whilst I used to accept the notion of the existence of Marx, I thought it was a bit like Tolkienism and I never expected to meet an actual, card-carrying Hobbit. (Or do I mean tokenism; another popular leftist outcome?)
The Second Book of Ridicule sets out to right society’s wrongs and once again I find that all I once held dear is woefully at variance with the yellow brick road to peace and love and happiness for all. (Remember, all this is from a real life encounter with a true sage of the enlightened Left.)
On education, I am now informed, equality is all. Apparently it is utterly elitist and morally wrong to divert resources to allowing some to become good at anything and mixed ability classes are the only moral option. As Snowball might have said 80 IQ points good, 100 IQ points bad… but some IQ points are worth more than others.
Under the red reality no effort or expense will be spared until every child has reached an equal level of achievement. If that means an ever increasing spend on educational technology, classroom assistants and a constant re-writing of the syllabus and grading system then so be it. Only when every child scores an ‘A’ in the new Level Ordinaire Academic Fundamental Educational Result certificate can we say we have won. We need to turn out as many A-grade LOAFERs as possible.
My grizzled old wise owl has taught me that such principles may be employed just as equably to solve all of our problems and salve all of our consciences. Regardless of what history, observation, calculation or common sense may tell you, Marxism tells you it is never wrong to rough out a philosophy on the back of a fag packet and then stick to it relentlessly.
If I may be so bold as to extend the doctrine:
In sport, all must win trophies. Take football, for instance: one day there will be only one football team in the land. (And it won’t be Liverpool.) All employment law will be made by the workers and all tribunals will find in favour of those horny-handed sons of toil. Criminal compensation will become exactly what it sounds like; after all it’s a brave man who would burgle his fellow and it can’t be easy getting by on a felon’s wage.
Cabinet colleagues prepare for PMQs
Finally, the sacred NHS will be run for the patients by the patients. This will apply just the same in the mental health sector; it seems the lunatics really ARE the right people to be running the asylum.
(I may need now to drink myself into helpless, bed-wetting oblivion in order to help me recover a healthy equilibrium. An enormous swing to the right may be what's needed. Watch this space as I go through the recovery programme.)