Then three come along all at once...

Pfft... I missed all sorts of stories, didn't I? I’ve had a break from the blog for the last three weeks. Being too fully occupied elsewhere, I missed Caitlin Moran trying to kill cyberspace with #twittersilence – the ironic masterclass day when the self-righteous did their very best to block the thing they like to say they value the most - free speech. Zoe Williams said "bigots must not be tolerated" Honestly, nobody needs satire when the left just hand it to you on a plate, wrapped in gold foil and tied up in a great big satin bow... with a glass of champagne.

I also missed a royal birth. I say ‘missed’ but it was utterly inescapable that week. I lost count though – did she have three, or was it four? Happily, I managed to remain indifferent enough that it was another week before I accidentally learned its name. Mohammed, isn’t it? Or Jamal? Something its grandmother would have approved of, anyway. Still, at least he won’t be dependent on the state for a living. Oh…

Then there was all that ‘not-fracking’ at Balcombe, where hippies frightened the residents into forming an action group which nevertheless failed to prevent happening something that wasn’t happening anyway. I’m assuming some sort of victory for vegetablists was claimed as they protested against a decades-old technology which has been used all over the world to bring wealth, but it was ages ago now and I can’t be bothered to find out any more. Oh yes, DC promised a £1million community bribe for every drilling, only exaggerating by a factor of ten, which is quite good for politicians and numbers.

And who will ever forget the magnificent “immigrants go home” mobile billboards and Godfrey Bloom’s brilliant Bongo Bongo Land speech? These two issues combined were enough to add another deck to the top of the outrage bus, causing the lefties already sweating cobs in our little wave of the sort of global warming nobody was complaining about, to spout even more hot air into the ether – the dopey fucking planet killers! I tell you, seeing the left-wing getting angry gives me more pleasure than should be strictly legal.

Then along comes Richard Dawkins who has been scientifically slagging off all religion for years with only a mild gumming from various bits of the Anglican clergy and the Vatican, to whip up a zealous, howling maelstrom by mildly criticising a religion at least five hundred years more primitive. I’m telling you, there’s a fatwa in there somewhere from the Religion of Pieces (cut them into many small pieces).

 Oh yes, you may not criticise, cajole control or correct anybody’s belief system, be it religious, societal, sexual, racial or political unless of course they are filthy white heterosexual Christian Conservatives who must – not necessarily only metaphorically – be stoned to extinction. There’s the tolerant left for you; “"bigots must not be tolerated” Well said, Zoe!

And today Andy Burnham, former Minister for Murder begins his premature punt for getting his old job back by effectively saying that the solution to a bloated and inefficient, uncosted, uncontrolled NHS is, yes you couldn’t make it up, to make the NHS yet larger still. Not content with it being the world’s fourth biggest employer, Burnham would have every single penny of your dwindling tax money go to feed the hungry health monster created by his party. In effect completing the Communisation of the UK by co-opting every last one of you into either state dependency or state slavery. It’s the Labour Party’s long game finally coming together.

Genius stuff and all this at a time when Parliament is dissolved for summer. Yes folks, I’m back and just think what juicy delights await my purple pen come September!