Tuesday, 25 October 2016

How stupid are you?

Imagine being stupid and actually knowing it. Going through life trying to live up to ideals you can’t possibly attain? Looking in the mirror every day and seeing a great, big dummy; how stupid is that? Of course, people who think themselves stupid have at least the sense to limit their exposure to opportunities to display it... which probably makes them not so stupid after all. Isn’t it all relative anyhow? Compared to, say, Einstein or Steven Hawking we’re all a bit intellectually deficient.

Then again there are those of enormous intellect who would easily pass as stupid were they to try and mingle among those dreadful denizens, ordinary people. Being able to imagine all the atoms in the universe while simultaneously memorising Pi to ten thousand decimal places might be a neat trick at a Royal Society soirée but it’s not going to earn you much kudos at the Dog and Duck during happy hour. There’s book smarts and there’s street smarts, as they say.

But if you want next-best-thing-to-a-vegetable stupid, so stupid you don’t even know you’re stupid, all you have to do is find a Brexiteer. Why, even the daft appellation they’ve claimed for themselves sounds like a dyslexic child’s version of Alexander Dumas’ swashbuckling heroes. A Brexiteer could change his name to Adolf Hitler, have a swastika tattooed on his forehead, collect Nazi memorabilia, join a Hitler Appreciation Society, paint yellow stars on the front doors of Jewish businesses and homes and still not understand why his neighbours call him a Nazi. Actually, strike that, his neighbours are likely to be equally as stupid.

You see they, that white underclass of Nazi sympathisers, don’t integrate with the rest of society. Born in Britain – England, most likely – they nevertheless refuse to become full members of the enlightened multicultural melting pot which marks the British out as the most European of all European peoples. And despite the atrocities committed in their name, you never see a member of the Brexit community standing up for British values, do you? Oh, they SAY they are moderate Brexiteers, but we all know here is no such thing.

If there is such a thing as moderate Brexiteers, why don’t we see them demonstrating against the violence, the ignorance, the small-minded bigotry and all those afore-mentioned atrocities? But we should maintain our tolerance because these people are too inbred and stupid to know better. They are stupid enough to believe everything they are told; as Graham Norton says, we should feel sorry for them, because they were taken in by lies. And as her holiness, Saint Diane knows, they are all just racists anyway.

That is how the media want to portray Brexiteers. Every single, stubborn, intransigent one of them is too stupid to understand what they have done and they must be protected from their own dangerous lack of moral responsibility. In all stories relating to Neanderthal, petrol-hoarding, dangerous dog-owning siege-mounters the phrase ‘post-Brexit’ must be inserted so that we can see the damage they have done. Every attempt must be made to portray them as ‘the other’ and deny them a voice.

Dear Remainers, this is satire. You may wish to do some research.
Is this what you want?

Meanwhile, the rest of Britain, the doctors and lawyers and scientist and politicians and ‘community’ leaders and emergency services employees and charities and university students and the brave, brave children who are the future, must stand up for Europe and demand that the process voted for by the hateful majority be voted down. Don’t listen to the propaganda spun out by the Leavers. You are far too intelligent to be taken in by nonsense like that. There are no grey areas. Remember: Europe good, Brexit bad... or are you too stupid to realise?

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