Cuckoo

You know the nutter on the bus and how every bus route seems to have one? Well they all got together yesterday and marched in central London. They marched to demand a ‘People’s Vote’ on any forthcoming EU deal, unaware or wilfully forgetting that we already had one, two years ago. Now, ordinarily, corralling all the lunatics together in one herd might seem like a good idea; at least you can keep an eye on them, right? But when the condition they harbour is so contagious this could be seen as irresponsible.

For a start, a good many of them are so blind to their own hypocrisy that although they spent the last two years decrying the referendum as anti-democratic and ‘only advisory’, they somehow believe that another one will redress the balance. But no, they tell themselves, that’s not what they want. Of course the Leave vote must be respected, they say; of course we have no intent to overturn it, they insist. All they want is a means to delay departure. Indefinitely... until the will of the people is reversed, presumably by body count. Nice.

It has been observed that had the Leave vote lost – the outcome confidently expected by the massed forces of the establishment – we would have grumbled for a while, yelled “fix!” and generally vented our frustrations. But I’m pretty sure that by now we’d have licked the wounds clean and gone about our business. It was generally recognised that the 2016 referendum was positively the last opportunity to extricate ourselves from the cloying embrace of ever-closer-union. But having put up and then lost, we would have mostly shut up.

I’m pretty confident that had the vote gone 52/48 for Remain, David Cameron would still be PM, Corbyn would be toast and London would not be constantly beset by the kind of serial mass idiocy of the Stockholm Syndrome set who will march for Europe even as the EU does its level best to replace the entire population with the kind of people you most often see selling knock-off sunglasses on a Marbella beach.

But what of the prominent remainers in meltdown? Surely we need to stage an intervention to prevent them from self-harming. As the mouth-foaming increases, the rhetoric gets increasingly combative; when they denigrate Leavers as populist, knuckle-dragging untermenschen they eerily echo the language used by the very cultural affiliations they ascribe to leave voters. We must resist the rise of the far right, they cry, as they send in their own brownshirts to counter any assembly and shut down any debate.

As we get closer to Brexit Day and it becomes increasingly apparent that the EU position is to offer no acceptable deal, the collective fervour of the likes of Anna Soubry, Gina Miller, Andrew Adonis, Alastair Campbell, and the frail and desperate Vince Cable looks more like psychosis with each passing day. They need to be segregated for their own safety and the peace and quiet and sanity of the rest of us. We may need to go to the extent of having a post-Brexit apartheid: British pubs and Remain pubs, British restaurants and Remain restaurants, British cinemas and Remain cinemas, etc.

Time for your medication...

Or maybe it’s time to reverse care-in-the-community and embark on a massive public building programme to create a network of Rehab centres, sanatoriums, and drop-in, day-care facilities to treat and contain the excesses of the inmates of Asylum Remain. We need to be prepared for the day the world fails to end for them and their spaceship remains obstinately absent. The Remain Jehovahs, peddling their EU Watchtowers may be with us forever, but at least we could treat them with the kind of care and compassion they would so readily withhold from us.