Old heads on old shoulders.

The shitstorm is just around the corner and what is the biggest news on the BBC? Matt Smith announcing he is leaving Doctor Who, that’s what. Dr Who has been with me all my life from the days of hiding behind the sofa while William Hartnell fought the green monsters (in black and white) through the unwatchable drivel and cardboard sets of the eighties to the slick plots and special effects of the modern show. But it could all end with Matt’s incumbency and seriously nobody would suffer as a result. Because it’s just fiction.

When did we ALL become children? (And when will Boris Johnson be anything else?) When I was a lad there was a coming of age, a point at which you largely shrugged off childish things, dressed as your dad (or mum) and set out to make your way in the world as what we used to refer to as ‘an adult’. You were allowed to do a thing we used to call ‘voting’ and take responsibility for your actions. What the fuck happened to all that?

Drunken, shrieking grandmothers on hen nights, dressed in pink, sporting fairy wings and trying to shag boys half their age. Overgrown schoolboys with gadget spending power to shame James Bond cruising the streets blasting out hip-funk-dub-hop or whatever name they give to the same old shit they listened to when they were in primary. Encouraging your kids to call you by your first name, as if you were equals and calling everybody, whatever their age, ‘mate’.

And - ever wanting to be down wit’ da kidz - it’s rubbed off on politicians too, at least with those wunderkind brought up under New Labour's betrayal of everything British. What Harold bloody Wilson started in the sixties, Tony sodding Blair finished a few short years ago and we now have a political class long out of short trousers but short on gravitas. I, for one, don’t think this is ‘a good thing’.

The world is up in arms. Wherever you look - the Mediterranean, Scandinavia, the Middle East, the UK - people are taking to the streets under a number of banners, but most of their animosity and misery and cut-it-with-a-knife frustration boils down to one thing - the politicians have royally fucked us all over and it's time to start again.

But I don’t want young people or young-thinking people making decisions that affect millions. I don’t want to see them doing fun runs, or being set up as Aunt Sallies on lowest-common-denominator television shows. I also don’t want the product of the Westminster crèche ruining all our tomorrows, playing political pranks on each other while the country goes down the tubes. I reject quotas; what is the point of a politically correct balance of young and gay and female and shemale and blackanasian gypsies and special needs cabinet members if between their competing ideologies not a sodding thing ever gets done?

 Anybody who has ever worked in HR, diversity awareness, or for any kind of minority struggle should be ruled out straight away on the grounds of having too narrow a focus. Their useful role is lobbying; lobbying the people who should rightfully be in charge. Sensible, mature experienced and pragmatic leaders with just enough charisma to get noticed and not enough ego to care about being popular. And as for the top job? I’m really not sure the world is ready for a one-legged, black, lesbian Doctor with attention deficit disorder.