Pissing against the wind

The notion of accepting ‘The Facts’ about wind power from the wind power industry is about as sensible as accepting from the only bloke that was there that those rough-hewn tablets of stone were indeed commandments passed down from Doug. As he hastily hid his chisels, I imagine Moses also buried what was left of his integrity. Here was his big chance of passing into history. We must assume the Chris Huhnes, Tim Yeos and all the others who will profit from government profligacy with our money have similarly convinced themselves it isn’t just a dream. Otherwise they'd just be liars.

And so the wind power swindle rumbles on as plans for the world's biggest offshore wind farm have been approved. Triton Knoll, a £3.6bn project will cause 288 giant wind turbines to be erected off the coast near Skegness. ‘The Facts’ from the consortium responsible -  Line Our Pockets With Gold Incorporated – are that this will generate 1.2 gigawatts of electricity, and supply power to the best part of a million homes.

The government talks about attracting investment into Britain. Well, of course they will attract investment when they guarantee profits. Fuck me, we’d all be up for a gamble on a certainty (what could possibly go wrong?) but the profits promised to these gigantic organisations will not only come from the individual pockets of every British fuel user, they will almost exclusively all go abroad. And most outrageous of all is that the collaborators will maintain the lie even as they shovel up the spondulix in full view of the public; akin to robbing a bank while the police cordon holds back the crowd of depositors.

It’s always wrong to hold an opinion without considering the evidence, so I have applied the same rigorous analysis as the green evangelists to the following summary of the flip side of the ‘renewable’ energy confidence trick. You will find me dispassionate and honest and open and history will show that I have just as much proof of these ‘facts’ as the gold diggers have for theirs.

Wind power – The Alternative Facts:

Firstly, Wind Farm. This phrase is a misnomer; they are no more farming wind as a meadow is cultivating rain and therein lies the chief drawback, which somehow seems to have been overlooked – what if there is no wind? Frequently, for days at a time, the wind will simply not blow. Not a problem, when there is no wind the government will pay anyway while the turbines stand idle. You’ll never know – you’ll be kept, quite literally, in the dark. The other issue with the wind is you can have too much of a good thing; if it is too windy, to avoid damage the blades will be locked. So, as far as the main ‘crop’ is concerned, wind farms will not produce unless there is just the right amount of wind. Phew, luckily for them that here in the UK we have the most stable and predictable weather conditions in the world. Oh, wait…

There’s really no need to go much further – governments have conspired to replace our reliable, controllable, sustainable and proven electricity generation infrastructure with eye-wateringly inefficient, unreliable and hugely expensive white elephants for entirely ideological reasons, for which we will pay in all manner of ways long into the foreseeable future. By the time they come to their senses – or are burned at the stake for their excesses – it will be too late to stem the tide.

Oh, and talking of the tide, the North Sea is hardly a benign environment. The life of these white behemoths will be less than half that predicted. The capital costs will never be recovered, it will just be ‘accounted away’ and forgotten and the disposal costs, which will be enormous are never factored into the equation in the first place - somebody else's problem. As they rust and fall into the sea, how long will it be before the exact same hippy pressure groups are wailing and gnashing their teeth and demanding action over the damage to the marine environment?

There’s little point in getting worked up about it; the deed is done. But what we could all do is practice getting by without any electricity at all for days on end, ready for a time quite soon when we will finally see a return to the traditional lifestyles so beloved of and invoked by all administrations. As you all huddle around the family candle for warmth you will be able to watch the ruddy glow of your children’s cheeks while you tell them wild fairy stories of the days when the lights came on at the flick of a switch.