Friday 10 February 2012

Batsby's NHS Reform Bill

Let's sort out the health service once and for all.

It's got to be pretty easy, when you think of it. If you need stitches, or bones gluing back together, or bits taken out, or put back in, or wheels attached, or drugs you can't be trusted to buy and administer yourself, etc, then the NHS will sort that out for you, free of charge, gratis and all that. In, out, bish-bosh, fixed up and back to work like a good 'un.

While in hospital, you'll do as you're told, take the drugs, phys the physio and be nice to the nurses. If you come in pissed-up and fighting, matron will be armed and have carte blanche to take you out. It's okay, they have all the facilities for properly disposing of human waste.

Should you graze your knee, get your head stuck in a saucepan (c.f. The Beano) or have a bit of a headache you can go down the chemist/B&Q and sort yourself out. And if you're feeling a bit 'psychological' that's tough, but normal and you can just pull your socks up and get on with it. Like in the old days.

I think that's everything, isn't it? I don't see what all the fuss was about. Reform Bill? Give me a nifty-fifty (million) and we'll call it quits. Now, I must dash - I have an economy and some foreign affairs to deal with this afternoon.

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