OMG. Who gives a flying fuck? And they want to waste MY valuable, personal time asking me what I do with MY valuable, personal time, when I'm not working my butt off trying not to become another tragic penniless retirement statistic? It's got nothing whatsoever to do with the government. Any government. And why has funding for an utterly pointless initiative which began under the failed Labour lunatics been continued by the current administration? Mr Osborne? Hey,
- SOWS - Staring out of the window survey. To assign a number to the time spent, er... sitting.
- IPS - Inactive people survey - how many people could not be arsed to fill in the APS questionnaire.
- IRS - Inappropriate response survey - counting the proportion of people who greeted our interviewers with a cheery "fuck-off" and a coating of egg.
- OIYA - Oh, it's you again - a sub-survey investigating the degree of hostility proffered when a subject inadvertently answered the door thinking it was the postman, bringing them something they wanted.
- TNHS - There's nobody home survey - an investigation into how many people no longer answer their door because of the possibility it could be a survey-goon, armed with a questionnaire.
- ITYTFO - I told you to
fuck offgo away already - measuring hostility towards survey interviewers.
- F&HS - Fear and Hate Survey - an attempt to measure the degree to which violence in our society has increased in line with government's insistence on measuring things rather than actually doing things.