Well, today, I'm the little boy in the crowd... and I'm this is what I gleaned from this morning's papers:
- Michele Obama does not possess even a single super power. Stop pretending otherwise.
- Being a 'celebrity' does not automatically make you beautiful and a bikini doesn't change any of that.
- Just because Demi Moore did it more 20 years ago not many people actually want to see women naked and pregnant. That is not art, it's a fetish.
- Nobody cares about anybody else's 'bikini body'. What is wrong with you?
- You're fat because you're lazy and eat too much. It's been proved.
- No, you can't eat yourself thin.
- You're unattractive because you're fat and lazy.
- You are on your own because you're unattractive...
- ...because you're fat and lazy.
- Oh and it is probably all your own fault.
In other news
- The Euro is fucked.
- Michael Hesletine is NOT Tarzan and just because he's always been wrong it doesn't mean that all of a sudden he's going to be right.
- A Liberal Democrat is neither one thing nor another.
- You cannot get addicted to 'apps' It's not even a proper word.
- No public information project is ever cost effective. The only ones who take heed didn't need telling.
And some random thoughts to send you on your way:
- Stereotypes are almost always true.
- Drunken, shouting, swearing women with tits out and tattoos? You may as well tear up any qualifications you have - you completely blew it there, love.
- After a certain age you can no longer blame your parents.
- Pop psychology is mostly utter tosh
And you're so not 'worth it'