Bang to rights

Tired of becoming the world's gaolers it seems we may have stumbled upon an ages-old solution to our overcrowded prisons. Import crime, export punishment. But, sod the human rights mountebankery, if we're going to make a real difference we should do this right. For a fraction of the £400million-plus it supposedly costs to keep them here and rather than simply giving the money away to 'foreign' we could do so much better.

There are thousands of uninhabited islands which would be suitable and island prisons have a long and illustrious history: Devil's Island, Alcatraz... Australia... so, why not?

Now I'm not suggesting that the league table there doesn't include some quality, modern-day Lex Luther style criminal masterminds, but I'm guessing the majority are simple thugs that the world would be better off for not having to feed. I'm also pretty certain that regardless of how much money our deluded masters throw at them, their home countries just don't want them back.

So, my solution is neat, tidy, satisfying and final. Buy an island, build a fence round it, dump the scum on it... then bomb the fuck out of it. Don't tell me that doesn't make you smile... just a bit?