Thursday 16 August 2012

Sticks and Ouch!

Imagine my utter surprise to get home after a long day at whatever it is I do, only to slip into my big, single slipper, don my slanket and open the Internet to discover (Shock! Horror! Inquiry!) that cyberweblogspace is brimming over with mentals. Who knew? And it's all so inconsequential. On the one hand there are people being attacked and personally insulted, who do nothing more to enrage their assailants than to ignore them. On the other hand there are the eejits with entrenched, evidence-free views, incapable of considering an alternative vista, yabbering inanities at each other.

And they all seem to get quite excited, but it's still just words, right? Furthermore it's a war of the words which can easily be avoided by blocking, deleting, ignoring or just plain refusing to read them. So I can only conclude that those who get themselves dragged into slanging matches must be so deranged that they can't see the idiocy of their actions. 

Or maybe they just like a good scrap? Now I enjoy a natter with a nutter as much as the next bloke, but once it turns personal I’m usually out of there. In the words of every single scene of Eastenders I've ever had the sorry misfortune to witness, “Leeeeave it! It ain't worf it!” But, with fifty shades of prey out there, the inter-sadists just can’t help themselves.

The trouble is, it’s getting harder to be inventively offensive and even the e-bully’s favourite cuss word now has to be rendered in capital letters at least three times before anybody even recognises it as an insult. Cnuts. We desperately need some new words to add zest to cyber-pestering, so I've had a go at inventing some; please feel free to add, steal, amend or re-use any or all of the following to express your absolute disgust at the very existence of anybody who dares to disagree with you. 

Clitch, Fwat, crunt, bantist, fucktone, felchtard, clungebunt, dampclap, bastern, twonge, fluclampit, craptickler, arsebint, wankwright, tossperson, climmerfladgett, belltwert, fringlersrump, flickerfunt, flimey, arseringling, ringclumper, flatupant, fuckcuntle, framstamper... and an improvement on yer basic twat ~> twaart. 

After that lot I now feel the need to offend somebody just for the sake of it. Now where can I find somebody who can't answer back, the attacking of whom does me no credit whatsoever? Oh here we go; thank you Daily Mail for this story about how parents are doing their best to get their kids on the bullying roster at the earliest opportunity. 

The Geldofs have form in this area, so this might be more difficult than for the average Rooney. Wish me luck; here goes:

Should have been called 'Nastala' - ugly little muntfunkle

I shall now sit back and await my justly deserved and hate-filed fate. Comments down there... if you dare, you bunch of snurdling, scriming, fringle-fucking crumpsticks!


  1. Ooooo nearly 30K views!!
    " Tossperson" How VERY PC of you !!! Snigger