Whine for the weekend

I struggle to understand how the global economy can possibly be in crisis after forcing myself to watch this load of Marxist claptrap that I stumbled across after following a link to the Biased BBC blog site. (Do watch it, it's unintentionally hilarious.) Of course, the solution is simple and the idiot-savant Matt Whale makes his point by drawing on a litany of Socialist rhetoric fit for a Scargill or a Serwotka.

It's all very easy, he imagines. Rob the rich and enrich the poor, guarantee training and jobs, give everybody a council house, heal the sick, engage in war no more and save the world from the evils of capitalism. Right on! (He does, of course, mean, "Left on!") All that was missing from the clip was a rousing finale, marching to a Billy Bragg polemic on the burning barricades.

Yeah, Matt, smash the rich, kill the rich, invade their houses and burn their possessions, then defile their land, demolish their factories. Bring them to their knees in the dirt and execute the lot of them. In front of their families, if need be. Then take their money and build the new Jerusalem in the name of the workers.

What's that, Matt? You can't find the piles of cash in the mansions you ransacked? You thought they all had vaults bulging with stolen treasure and pallets of banknotes? You didn't realise it was all tied up in the assets you so detest and have now destroyed and no longer exist to secure your borrowing?

It never occurred to you that those you would wage war on might have been smart enough to move their operations elsewhere? After all, they were smart enough to make their fortunes in the first place. And smart enough to be able to create industry and employment and make this country one of the wealthiest in the world, from which everybody has benefited. (Matt, for a start, appears to enjoy a pie or three.)

So, what, Matt? You think that your lot of miserable, envious malcontents spouting bile and rabble-rousing mantras are going to rise up and create a whole new, equitable world straight out of your little red book? You think that your adolescent view of humanity will bring peace and light and prosperity? How many actual jobs have your Socialist 'workers' pals ever held down?

I worked hard to dream up a devastating put down, a searing indictment, exposing the crude and simplistic notions you espouse. I thought about how best to highlight the weakness of your argument and shine a light on the true motives of the movement you believe in so absolutely, with so little hard evidence. I pondered how best to explain to you the error of your ways and bring you out of the darkness of your ignorance.

But then I realised it would be pointless wasting all that effort on a mindless Marxist, so you'll have to make do with this little gem I crafted in my word workshop. Ready? Here you go then... You daft little cunt.