Cage aux Fury

So, Call me Dave is talking tough on terrorist suspects', deportation and appeal. "Deport first, ask questions later" screams this Daily Mail headline. Obviously he has no chance but he's trying to make some electoral inroads to back up previous out-of-office claims that he was going to sort out this sort of nonsense.

Nonsense? Of course, with Abu Qatada's safety costing us a £3billion per minute and literally tens of millions [estimated figures] of foreign criminals roaming the streets in slavering, rabid, skull-crushing, granny eating mobs of personified hatred, it is an utter nonsense that we can't drive this garbage from our shores. The problem, according to the article is that "Strasbourg has taken a hard-line on removing anybody to a country where torture or ill-treatment takes place."

Well then, the solution is in our own hands. We're too bloody soft. And of course - you know me so well - I have a neat and obvious and cost-effective solution. Let's round up the fuckers and house them all in one big cage - plenty of room in the middle of Hyde Park - open to the weather and open, also, to spectators. Then we'll have the satisfaction of not only knowing where they all are, we'll be able to see justice in action.

Even better, it will become a tourist attraction and provide small-scale employment opportunities for vendors selling sticks and stones and pork scratchings to chuck at them at feeding time. It will be horrible in there! It will be inhuman. And it will be exactly what they deserve.

Go on, son, lob a scratching at 'im. They love it!

And don't you worry about the plight of all those poor human rights lawyers currently fighting for the right of these undesirables to remain in the United Kingdom. Get this right and they'll all decamp to Strasbourg and Jordan and Saudi Arabia where they will tirelessly line their pockets fighting for their deportation.

No need to thank me.