Spare a few coppers for an old ex-matelot?
Nah, don't be daft. I'm moving to Leeds where, I'm told, you can get everything for free 'off of' The Social in return for hiding one of your younger relatives in an old divan base for a week. Alternatively, you can have free cosmetic surgery (below), allowing you to blend in, which also has the advantage of dissuading anybody in the Benefits Office from asking you any sensitive questions, such as, "What is the name of your father?"
Friendly locals welcome me to my new home.
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