Thursday 24 January 2013

Snow Joke!

So, the big speech has come and gone and the pundits have had their say. Blogs have been published, Twitter has been beside itself and no doubt Owen Jones has blocked thousands more from following his account. I haven't yet seen Polly Toynbee's champagne-fuelled contribution to what she likes to consider rational debate but regardless of all that we now have a job to do.

Of course, no two parties can agree exactly who must do what or exactly when it must be done to prevent the potentially catastrophic consequences of getting it wrong on the day, but all are agreed that now is the time to act. It will take time, it will absorb resources and it will take an army. An army of pressed men to create another army. An army of... snowmen!

Yes, to assist with flood defences the Environment Agency has suggested that snow and ice compacted into snowmen might melt more slowly and help prevent thousands of homes being flooded during the big thaw. (No, seriously, click the link and read it for yourself.)

You will die for your country... very slowly.

In other news, once the thaw is complete, Britain's mighty fleet of wind turbines will be driven in reverse to counter the mad March winds, all journeys will be officially designated north to south (being downhill it will help save on fuel in order to cover the cost of running the turbines) and the wearing of Cor Blimey Trousers will be banned to end the decades-old demonising of noble dustbin men everywhere.

(I'm moving house this week. If you could all click on the 'donate' button below and chip in a few quid to help me with diesel, tyre wear and tear, Road Tax, Council Tax, Value Added Tax, Tax-tax, food and shit, that would be lovely!) 

Go on - click on it... there's more!


  1. Snowmen are even more useful when you consider some of them are able to come alive (thanks channel 4 for that info) and fly off with a small boy. Sorry, that is inappropriate... I mean, take to the air and give the boy a good time... Oops, I better stop there...