I swear there’s going to be a right old kerfuffle when
the various parties finally hit the electioneering wall; peaking too soon is
piss-poor planning. Labour in particular are going hard at it, having just
lapped up every morsel of social engineering poison the Fabians dripped in
their direction. But the Greens! The Greens are on fire! (Or maybe that’s just
their Christmas tree recycling plant?) In a bizarre green surge the lentil and mung bean bozos experienced a boost in
membership after being rejected for the on-again-off-again leaders’ debates, so
out of curiosity I had a gander at this: the Philosophical Basis of the Green Party. Gosh, it’s like I hit the mongfest motherlode! ‘Elders of Zion’ has
nothing on this mushroom-fuelled moronry.
There’s a whole load of unrealisable shite in there if
you wish to soil your soul and wade through it but I’ll paraphrase:
“In Green
Britain everybody will care for everybody else and we will all share equally
and cooperate to live in harmony with Mother Earth and all her bounteous, er,
bounties and everyone will wake up every morning to blue skies and little
fluffy clouds and we will all be happy ever after for ever and ever, A-nongenderspecificpluralnoun.”
In support of such laudable neverlands the Greens propose to introduce a “Citizen's
Income sufficient to cover an individual's basic needs” whether working or not.
Yeah. That’ll do it.
Of course it’s a moot point; in all likelihood the Greens
will have precisely one fewer MPs after the election if people vote based on
satisfaction rating – have you seen what they’ve done to Brighton? There has
been much excited chatter about the expected outcome and most pundits are
calling a hung parliament and thus the need for another coalition. Nick Clegg
may yet be king-maker even with half his seats gone, but there are other
coalition options to consider and some combinations have not been given nearly
enough consideration.
How about, for instance, a Tory-Ukip-LibDem powerhouse; a
partnership so riven with internal hatreds it will spend all its time ripping
itself to shreds, giving the country some much-needed respite from interfering
government. Or how about a Labour-NHS Action-Respect coalition, whereby George
Galloway gets to be Prime Minister after threatening Ed Miliband with his muslim 'friends' while Rufus Hound tries out his comic routines on the Daily
Politics’ Andrew Neil (with hilarious consequences, as they used to say).
Meanwhile everybody will be happy, by order, in their individual community ghettoes.
The SNP are expected to do well in May. There’s a worry;
rule from a foreign country (irony klaxon). Fortunately I can’t think of a
single other party who aren’t too frightened of the be-kilted furies to
get into bed with them. But just imagine all that short, pale, ginger anger harnessed to the
various communist splinter groups - you'd have sufficient hot air to outperform all the
wind farms put together – that’s about three kilowatts - on a blustery day in
Parliament. Wouldn't that turn the Greens, er, green?
Get angry - Vote Green
Whatever protest you have in mind for your ballot there's plenty to chose from. You may be amazed to learn that, as of 18 December 2014,
the electoral commission has some 422 political parties registered in the UK.
Among them are such interesting themes as the Pirate Party, the No Candidate
Deserves my Vote Party, Peace and Progress, Class War, the Roman Party, Idle
Toad, the Church of the Militant Elvis Party and the Fancy Dress Party, I kid
you not. All of which brings us neatly back to the Monster Raving
Loonies. But, enough of the Greens; they have no chance.
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