1984

If you write the letters 1, 9, 8 and 4 in a cartoonish script, then rearrange them and look at them upside down in a different sequence, squinting through the bottom of a beer glass, you see the world in a very different way.

In George Orwell’s [some say] prophetic novel, Winston Smith works as a records clerk in the Ministry of Truth, rewriting history to match the constantly changing current party line and obliterating anything which contradicts the will of the omnipotent government.

These days there are Winstons in every field – politics, religion, business, even the sciences – people whose job it is to deny the facts, distort the truth and spin their way into and out of the history books. Historians like A. J. P. Taylor, Richard Starkey, Niall Ferguson, et al, purport to get to the truth, but it’s not so long ago that David Irving was jailed for holocaust denial. So who can you trust?

So busy are the Winstons it sometimes seems as if the majority of the world’s population are lab rats in a huge experiment to find out just how far human credibility can be stretched. The Olympic conspiracy is bizarre and far-fetched, but some people, it seems, are determined to believe almost anything.

On Europe alone, there are regular outrageous claims to be swallowed whole; every day a new distraction and so many bail-outs that they become commonplace and unremarkable. How many crisis summits now? How many puppet administrations? How many times have we had six days to save the Euro? In the European parliament, Nigel Farage is the only little boy who sees the Emperor’s dangling bollocks, but nobody listens to him. 

It seems impossible to spin the story of the Muslim horse rapist in any postive way, but Winston’s working on it and will no doubt come up with an Allah-approved version. It seems no story is so outlandish it can't be excused or 'differently explained'. But surely, even Winston Smith himself would have his work cut out to rewrite Tony Blair’s history to make it palatable and pave the way for his return to British politics? No, you say, never! And yet heeeeeere's Tony!

Wenlock and Mandeville plot New World Order

If you write the letters 1, 9, 8 and 4 in a cartoonish script and different sequence they look like the Olympic mascots spelling out 1489 - the year of the sinister Treaty of Medina del Campo - you want a conspiracy theory? I'll give you a conspiracy theory!