The searchlights swept the waste ground outside the
perimeter as the siren wailed, raising the alarm. Four pig-dog Englischermenschen
had escaped and the Commandant of Stammlager Luft III, deep in occupied
Poland, was extremely displeased. He ordered the dogs unleashed and search
parties set out in pursuit as fifty of the remaining prisoners were rounded up
and made to stand in the exercise yard, stripped to their underwear in the
freezing blast of easterly air which swept across the steppes from the Urals.
Some would not survive the night.
In the distance the dogs were becoming frenzied as they
scented their quarry and shortly afterwards shots were heard in the distant
woodland. Soon the noises of chaos gave way to order and minutes later the
headlights of a returning vehicle threw the barbed wire coils into stark relief
against the deadly night. One escapee recaptured, the others still at large seeking
destinations unknown. The bedraggled prisoner
was brought before the Commandant in a bare interrogation room.
The harsh light cast deep shadows and bleached out all colour
as Colonel Fuchs paced back and forth, causing Flight Lieutenant Atkins to blink
as he tried to fix his captor with a challenging stare. Fuchs stopped pacing
and positioned himself so that Atkins had no option but to squint against the
cold beam directed in his face. For long seconds both men regarded the other
with cool disdain. Eventually, Colonel Fuchs spoke, in quiet measured tones.
“So, Tommy, you vill not talk. But it iss no matter . Vhile
you sit here, silent, ve are rounding up ze last of your men and if you do not
talk, ve have vays of making zem tell us everysink ve need to know.” He began
to pace again as he delivered his well-rehearsed lines. “You sink ve vill tortue
you? Vell don’t you vorry, Atkins, ve von’t.” He snapped his fingers and a junior
officer clicked his heels to attention and marched out of the door, returning
seconds later with a bound, half-naked prisoner flanked by two burly guards.
They proceeded to beat him to his knees. “Ve vill torture him, instead.”
Atkins flinched but the prisoner, shivering violently and
with fear in his eyes caught his gaze and with an almost imperceptible shake of
his head indicated he would not break and Atkins should say nothing also. He
nodded back; Colonel Fuchs noticed the gesture.
“Oh, you English, you sink you are so clever. Say fuck-nothing,
yah?” he took a backhanded swipe at the prisoner as the guards held him
upright. “Und don’t sink zat I do not know vhat you say behind my back. You take
ze Mickey Mices out of my name. ‘Fuchs zis’, you say and ‘Fuchs zat’. You sink
zis iss funny, hein? Vell let me tell you Britischer; my name, it means Fox,
you see. I am a vily old fox and you – you are just my rabbit. Und now it is I
who haff you in my headlights.”
Atkins looked at the colonel, trying to discern what he already
knew and whether he understood the bizarre mixing of metaphors which conjured
up the image of an intrepid fox driving a Bentley along Wardour Street. If they
had been overheard mocking his name maybe, just maybe, they also knew that this
escape had been a mere decoy to dilute the garrison strength. Right now, if all
had gone according to plan, a hundred more allied airmen would be preparing to
storm the weakened perimeter defences and escape to victory. If Fuchs knew, then
Atkins had to give the signal to cancel.
I see nothing!
“Oh yes, “ the colonel continued, his pace quickening as
his tone of voice became more strident. “Oh yes, you English think that ve Germans
know fuck-nothing. Vell, let me tell you, Flight Lieutenant…” Atkins felt a
panic rising in his breast as the Commandant lowered his glowering face to
within an inch of his own. If the Germans knew the plan they would be ready
with machine guns. If the Germans knew, he had but one chance to shout the abort
command and save their lives. A moment’s silence, Atkins tensing, ready to cry
out… the colonel continued. “Let me tell you, Flight Lieutenant Tommy Atkins.
We Germans do not know fuck-nothing.
Ve know fuck-ALL!”
Ve know fuck-ALL!”
Oh, Batsby, you are priceless!
ReplyDeleteAnd if we accept the notion that an item's price is a direct function of its worth, then something which is priceless-- well, you do the maths...
It's no laughing matter! :o)
DeleteI thought the only person to know Fuchs-All was Angela Merkel, but I may be wrong.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting introduction to your work Mr Battsby
ReplyDeleteThank you! Friday is shaggy dog story day.The rest of the week is devoted to my personal perspective on the stupidity of the human race!
Delete