Monday, 27 January 2014


Fanatical Feminists, Yobbish Youngsters, Irate islamists, Grotesque Greens, Antagonistic Ant-racists and Garish Gays? It sounds like a new series of Horrible Histories but it’s all so much more in the ‘clear and present danger’ arena than that. Forget the Fabians and Labour and their perpetual motion money machine madness. Any fule kno that’s just yet another diversionary populist device to draw the fire while they try once again to make two plus two equal five. “Go on Ed, just one more try; maybe this time..?” Smoke and mirrors, because Labour can only affect the economy in one way. But let’s look at some of the ‘successes’ socialism has brought us:

In the last couple of weeks the Feminazis have been trying to turn Chris Rennard’s wandering hands and Nigel Farage’s simple truths into a holocaust-scale attempt to dismiss their cause as ‘a bit shouty’. Whipping themselves into a frenzy of hatred for all mankind - and any womankind who dares to see their point - they counter charges of some women maybe not being suited to some high pressure jobs by blowing their tops and unleashing the sort of screechy, high-pitched indignant shouting that Louise Cooper demonstrated on the Daily Politics. Luckily only dogs and a few children actually hear frequencies that high, so old duffers like me could only witness what looked like a mimed version of Edvard Munch’s most famous painting… with added, jabby pointing.

Then Labour, once again, cynically revealed a proposal to give sixteen-year olds the vote based on the utterly non-sequiturial logic that they can legally marry and join the army. As both those actions require parental permission, presumably they would have to get a voting consent form signed by both parents. That in itself would pose a bit of a problem as every single one of those sixteen-year olds will have been born under New Labour, when the presence of a father of known whereabouts was not only frowned upon but, given another term, may very well have become illegal.

Meanwhile, in another astonishing LibDem own goal, A Liberal Democrat activist nutjob called Muhammad Shafiq took it upon himself to organise a personal jihad against Maajid Nawaz for the outrageous crime of not being offended by something pretty inoffensive. The Jesus and Mo cartoons are a mildly amusing, poorly drawn, but sincere and deliberately provocative attempt to persuade islam to get over itself and as such are to be applauded. Trouble is those distant ripples of applause sound a lot like automatic gunfire to the rabid mullahs of Middle Earth, so be prepared for another outbreak of pointless propheteering some time soon.

The Grotesque Greens? Not content with Climate Change’s Inherent Uncertainties and a sensible wait and see approach, successive governments have been bamboozled by bullshit promulgated by an increasingly self-affirming lobby into handing over billions of our precious pounds to pepper the landscape with frequently useless wind turbines. Such a shame the investment all went overseas but, hey, a self-sufficient industry like wind has got to be a good investment, right? Right? I’m sure the German giant Prokon’s collapse into insolvency will be a mere blip. Felled by a freak of nature they'll claim, perhaps?  

Then there’s the looming battleground of the next election. The economy, you say? Nah, the Tories are riding high while the Red Eds are offering fantasy appeasements to scare off business. No, it’s the elephantiasis in the room; immigration. Boo, racist, you cry! And if you want an illustration as to exactly why children should not be given the vote, Channel Four – for what ghastly PC reason I can only imagine - asked them for their opinion on it. They trotted out well-indoctrinated fluffy lines like “We shouldn't say you're not allowed in, but then send all our old-age pensioners to Spain.” and other such meaningless guff. But what do you expect from the children of Blair? THEY think it’s the government, not them, that’s ill-informed. Bless. Now get on with your sociology homework.

Now, I love a good gayer, me. But marry one? Do me a flavour, John! One of the best recent examples of manufactured approval was the rushing through, out of the blue, of last year’s same sex marriage bill. Despite what the majority opinion may have been at the right-on Islington, same sex mother and toddler groups, the overall national appetite for gay marriage was a big fat, meh, yet it was pursued as relentlessly and urgently as if the Kaiser’s big gay zeppelins were already overstepping our aerial borders.

So, what’s it all about? I’ll tell you, it’s the tyranny of the minority, it’s the very antithesis of democracy. These days it seems there is no cause so insignificant it cannot be swiftly raised to national consciousness and then on to COBRA-level emergency. If this carries on, what with equal weighting being given to every cause, no matter how trivial, soon there will BE no minorities. And THEN who will we get to feel superior to?

Lazy stereotype stock photo (posed by models)

Ah yes, I know; the one group left who can only ever have status removed and worth devalued. White men – the bastards! While I was looking for a conclusion to this rant, I was supplied the perfect 140-characters-or-fewer summing up on Twitter: “An inconvenient fact of history for some is that the foundations of modern civilization were laid by dead, white, & yes, mostly males.” When you need us we’ll be in our sheds, quietly getting on making stuff.


  1. That was hilarious, literally laugh out loud funny. We can add 'Kaiser’s big gay zeppelins', and 'what do you expect from the children of Blair', to immortal classics such as 'show me where he canvassed you on the doll'.

    1. Cheers, Chris! I just had this image of giant German phalluses nudging their way invasively into British Airspace, missus! "Gott in Himmel! Dem Englischer booty is helpless against our powerful Cherman Sausage, Hans! Ve vill insert vile zair back is turned, jah?"