Whitewash!

One of the funniest things I’ve enjoyed chuckling at in recent years is the ‘insert perceived profession’ of colour jollity pouring forth from the poor, unappreciated ranks of the dusky also-rans. From vigorously demanding reparation – ‘white men’s tax dollars’ – for slavery which they insist colours (pun intended) their life experiences to this day, to being unhappy that there were no black Oscars, they are certainly intent on squeezing the maximum juice from the bitter, bitter lemons of their birth-right.

Because, despite the ludicrous ham-stringing of public employers and now private companies by the imposition of quotas and positive discrimination (or ‘affirmative action’ in the USA) we have barely moved on from the ‘token black’ to the risible attempts of today to make our decision-making bodies look like the Dulux colour charts of the 1980s – every shade of white except for actual white. We even had to lie about the efficacy of diversity – diversity itself now being just a way of saying “Look how many blacks I keep... I mean employ!”

And through it all we take care not to offend. How do I call thee? Let me count the ways: We refer to ‘street’ and ‘urban’ as ways of avoiding the issue, as we are still not sure about using the ‘B’ word and we are confused as to why the more accurately descriptive ‘coloured’ is unacceptable; even the lefty luvvie Dominatrix Cumberbitch got into hot water over that one. To try and persuade you from aversion we refer to post codes as being ‘vibrant’, or if it’s a really rough area, ‘challenging’. It’s a jungle out there...

So the latest ‘Persons of Hue’ outrage is over yet another area in which their talents have gone unrewarded because action has not been affirmative enough. Enter @WritersofColour and the mean-spirited lash-out at whitey in what they call their ‘Turbo Trash’ Award. Turbo is a clear euphemism for ‘white’ here as they invite their ‘diverse’ audience to vote for the writer who has caused them the greatest butt-hurt in post-tragedy reporting. That Maajid Nawaz makes the list alongside Katie Hopkins and Rod Liddle is merely their way of saying that in their opinion Maajid may as well be white - only white people are capable of discriminating by colour.

Bloody white bombers!

Because, of course, it’s all about the colour, isn’t it? The solid belief that when people state their fear of being blown up while going about their daily business it is simply due to racism. That racism informs the backlash against the free importation, without question, of millions of people from a religious ideology which has world subjugation at its heart. To defend yourself from attack – perceived or otherwise – is a hate crime against the attackers because of the colour of their skin. No, darlings, it’s not their skin colour that we have a problem with – it’s all the other stuff.

Look around you. A nice, friendly shopkeeper was just murdered by a supposed ‘fellow’ muslim for being a nice, friendly shopkeeper. Young girls are forced into marriage with old men and ‘legally’ raped. White girls are targeted and trafficked as fuck-toys for ‘persons of colour’ who just happen, exclusively, to be muslims. Gay men are murdered by gravity. Their pigmentation is the very least of our concerns.

Did it ever occur to you that white liberal society bends over so far backwards to ingratiate itself with blacks ... coloured people ... persons of colour that the only reason they don’t win more stuff is that they write or act out their grievances purely for an audience of colour. Maybe – and here’s a thought – they could just write or act better? Or write about non-black concerns? Take a leaf from black track athletes and actually out-compete your white rivals on a - literally - level playing field. (But whatever you do, Whitey, don’t you dare to refer to the natural advantages black athletes bring to many sports!)

Why am I not on the list?

I, for one, am not going to get my knickers in a twist about it all. To me the existence of all these exclusive little black clubs is like the wannabes on Britain’s (not) Got Talent all got together and started their own television channel, where the mediocre can hold ceremonies to award prizes for mundanity to the most talented of the not quite talented enough. Now, if you don’t mind I’m off to enjoy my Easter Egg – white chocolate, of course.