Tuesday 15 May 2012

Pucker Up!

It's no good, I'm all out of angry right now. I can't seem to get riled about anything very much at the moment.

I've tried. I tried shouting at a recording of Andrew Marr yesterday, but what with it not being live I somehow didn't have the enthusiasm.

I've done Europe to death. I've ranted myself hoarse over the diversity and leftification of a once independent Britain and there can barely be a raggedy-arsed, fake-Roma, pikey metal thief in all the land who has not raised my ire.

I've had it with politicians, I've railed all I want about the monstrous children some of you are raising and the pointlessness of your moronic welfare-fuelled existences and  I've come to the realisation that pretty much the entirety of modern society isn't worth a weak wank into the winceyette .

Then, just when I'm thinking it's all over, the Daily Mail gifts me with this: a young woman is described as "A woman addicted to lip filler injections " FFS Addicted? Addicted to having poisonous fillers pumped into her lips to make her look like she's wearing a pair of bloated pink slugs on her face? Get out of here. Oh my giddy, piss-soaked aunt - what in the world of sweet Jesus-fuck do these deluded princesses think they are doing?

Leslie Ash, Meg Ryan, that ridiculous Jordan woman, Patsy Kensit, Amanda Holden... the list goes on and on and depressingly on.

Fortunately, I harvested the article before the DM pulled the link. It goes on to say: "[Her] problems started while growing up in Hampshire. At the age of 12, she was diagnosed with acute anxiety, insomnia and obsessive compulsive disorder. Poor self-esteem saw these problems develop into body dysmorphic disorder - a mental illness in which people become obsessed with perceived physical flaws or imagined ugliness - by 15. Following a breakdown, [she] was admitted to Warneford Hospital in Oxford and was prescribed anti-psychotics for her increasingly obsessive behaviour. At no point did any of the doctors who administered the injections attempt to stop her, despite knowing that she was taking medication to combat mental illness."

Dear Lord, seeking such treatment is itself a sign of mental illness. And most of her head conditions are actively promoted by a mental health system driven by a deep desire to pathologise the entire population; only when we're ALL mentally ill and self-harming to suicide music will they finally be satisfied.

They give this look the cutesy epithet of The Trout Pout, as if wearing the rubbery-lipped look of a young Mick Jagger gurning like a malevolent, thwarted child was a desirable thing. In case you didn't get it the first time - it looks bloody ridiculous. You want to look like that, you're seriously screwed up and it doesn't take a deluded shrink to say so.

But the body-chop-shop industry really doesn't give a shit either, does it? You want to have a nose shaped like a shovel, Jodie Marsh? Go ahead! What else awaits the poor woman? Tummy tucks, tit jobs, arse-implants, botox... cut it out, stick it in, move it here. Picasso wasn't just an artist, he was a prophet.

And talking of profit - it's this sort of shit that passes for industry these days. If we just took a step back down the road to simple, fruitful and worthwhile endeavours, such as making stuff we actually need, the whole country would benefit from better prosperity, dignity and - who knows - we may even recover our once-proud sense of humour.

Angry? Don't talk to me about angry! Grrrr!


  1. Careful petal, all that angry eyebrows stuff will give you wrinkles!!!

  2. I got wrinkles on my wrinkles!

  3. An admirable rant. I consider much of these mental illnesses to be laid fair and square at the globalisation of pretty well everything. This has created a need for the creation of new ways of selling, selling and more selling.

    Our political classes worship at the altar of consumerism, whilst depriving people, via extortionate taxation, of the wherewithal to spend. They look to curb the demands of "foie gras" global fast food methodology and seek to extort ever more tax from the few pleasures left via smoking and drinking.

    So there we go, the magazine and celebrity culture feeds the images the insane seek to copy and millions are made by the practitioners of this new voodoo. Welcome to 2012!

  4. I don't believe the political classes collude so much, rather that they serve what they perceive to be the demands of the electorate, which appears to be consumerism fuelled by other people's labours.

    A few honest politicians, taking on the more demanding role of strong leadership as opposed to simple 'politics'.

    People are sheep and will always vote for greener grass today, rather than merely survivable grass forever.