Saturday 20 April 2013

Next Door's Fucking Cat!

It's been a funny old week on Twitter. Friday's blog hit new heights with over 1250 views, fuelled mostly by the still ongoing row over Old Holborn and resulting in a few sympathetic walkouts and many protracted arguments. The hamster wheel of rage could probably power Liverpool right now, if only we could generate steam for the turbines from mere hot air... But Saturday was a lovely sunny day so I decided to change the mood and lighten up and demonstrate my sheer joy and love of nature.

I done a pome. I hope you like it:


The sun is in the sky today 
And all the birds are fat. 
They’ll need to slim to get away 
From next door’s fucking cat. 


I went to plant some seedlings,
Some cabbages and that…
My bed’s a giant litter tray
For next door’s fucking cat.

My feline-loving neighbour is 
An idle welfare twat. 
I wish he’d move away from here, 
Him and his fucking cat. 

He’s scratching in my flower bed, 
He’s ginger and he’s fat. 
I hate the little git as much 
As I hate his fucking cat.


The little sitting shitting thing 
Could never catch a rat. 
I might just put some poison down 
For next door’s fucking cat. 

Now finally they’re moving out 
They’ve got a council flat 
I only hope that they’re prepared 
For next door’s fucking cat. 

New neighbours moved in yesterday 
And there upon my mat, 
I found a little present from 
New next door’s fucking cat!


6 comments:

  1. I am RIGHT WITH YOU ON THIS ONE.FUCKING NEIGHBOUR's FUCKING CAT! I've got them on both sides. It merely gets flicked back over . It's their cat therefore their property. It makes me FUCKING SICK!! I love this post!

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  2. I haz an air pistol and a hose pipe! (If I'm honest I have yet to see a cat in my back garden since I moved back in,but I thought of the line this afternoon and had to get it on paper/screen!)

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  3. I have no problem...my little darlings go next door....

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  4. My cat hasn't worked out to shit in someone else's garden. Little bastard.

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  5. Cracked up over this! I let the dogs out if a cat comes in the garden, it soon leaves.

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  6. Think yourself lucky, next door's cat decided it liked our house better so just moved in. Cant get rid of the little bastard now - the kids love it :(

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