Next Door's Fucking Cat!

It's been a funny old week on Twitter. Friday's blog hit new heights with over 1250 views, fuelled mostly by the still ongoing row over Old Holborn and resulting in a few sympathetic walkouts and many protracted arguments. The hamster wheel of rage could probably power Liverpool right now, if only we could generate steam for the turbines from mere hot air... But Saturday was a lovely sunny day so I decided to change the mood and lighten up and demonstrate my sheer joy and love of nature.

I done a pome. I hope you like it:

The sun is in the sky today 

And all the birds are fat. 

They’ll need to slim to get away 

From next door’s fucking cat. 

I went to plant some seedlings,

Some cabbages and that…

My bed’s a giant litter tray

For next door’s fucking cat.

My feline-loving neighbour is 

An idle welfare twat. 

I wish he’d move away from here, 

Him and his fucking cat. 

He’s scratching in my flower bed, 

He’s ginger and he’s fat. 

I hate the little git as much 

As I hate his fucking cat.

The little sitting shitting thing 

Could never catch a rat. 

I might just put some poison down 

For next door’s fucking cat. 

Now finally they’re moving out 

They’ve got a council flat 

I only hope that they’re prepared 

For next door’s fucking cat. 

New neighbours moved in yesterday 

And there upon my mat, 

I found a little present from 

New next door’s fucking cat!