Monday, 8 April 2013

Labouring on...

Well, I’ve been working almost all of the weekend so I’ve missed a great deal of news but even here, in the throne room, Twitter gives me the occasional bitter glimpse of the world outside. I say glimpse, perhaps gimp would be more appropriate, because the Labour gimps [non-partisan comment – they ARE gimps] have been whipping themselves up into a right old froth ever since the Philpott trial.

Like rabbits, they are; myxomatosic, pink-eyed bunnies, pinned in the glaring headlights of the belated realisation that – whouda thunk it – ordinary working people have an opinion on benefits as well. And their idea of the Welfare State ISN’T the system we’ve got. Yes, even people who haven’t been born into privileged lifestyles and gone on to Oxbridge to study Socio-economo-make-trouble-ology or Fuckitupistics or taken a Masters in Machiavellian Misanthropy, going on to work in Daddy’s constituency office as an expenses fiddle can see that a system which allows some perfectly able, yet economically worthless people to not only survive, but to thrive without work is a nonsense.

Labour’s response, having methodically used every trick in the book to absolutely not, I repeat not, use Philpott for cheap shoddy political point-scoring is to cobble together for the first time in three years a little bit of policy. I don’t know what Demos has been doing, cooped up in its little old thinky-tanky there, but this load of old cobblers is hardly the work of the greatest minds the opposition can muster is it? I mean, even a thicky like me can see it’s just a hollow, opportunistic and belated leap onto a  bandwagon that’s been gathering pace for a couple of decades.

Labour are planning to somehow link welfare pay-outs to personal historical contributions. How can that EVER work? The biggest payers-in are absolutely the least likely to ever need to take anything out - in so many ways Socialism literally robs the rich to pay the poor. And the obverse, of course, is that those most in need of welfare are the least likely to ever make significant contributions. And what about young people in precarious employment?

“Aha!” say Labour, “but we have a plan!” Is it a cunning plan, I ask?

“At the heart of Labour's plan is the reinstatement of full employment as a government objective.”

And where, pray would these jobs come from?

“…they would be offered a real job with appropriate training funded by the taxing of bankers' bonuses and restructuring pension tax relief for the wealthiest.”

Oh, I see, so you still fail to grasp the nature and inter-relatedness of earnings, taxation, the economy at large and the sheer folly of employing ever more people directly by the state, then? Oh and guaranteeing jobs in return for welfare? Isn’t that, did I miss something… weren’t you virulently opposed to workfare?

Labour's entire budget solution

In another brave attempt to absolutely not distort statistics to make a cheap, shoddy political capital Ed Balls added, "The whole country will today see whose side this Conservative-led government is really on and who is paying the price for their total economic failure." claiming that as a result of the changes working families will be up to £4,000 worse off, while millionaires receive average tax cuts of £100,000.

Listen Ballsy old fella, any “millionaire” receiving tax reductions anywhere near that figure is clearly not taking full advantage of the many perfectly legal tax avoidance vehicles that you and Brown were quite happy to allow. Once again, Labour’s answers are scribbled on the back of a fag packet and once again they rely entirely on the fruits of the magic money tree.

PS: As the late, truly great, sainted Margaret Thatcher remarked, "The problem with Socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people's money." Goodbye Mrs T, the world will never see your like again.


  1. I for one can't wait for Labour to back holding the reins of power. I mean, those banker bonuses are going to be made to work so hard, paying for this and paying for that and funding the other.

    This is because money the 'wealthy' have (excluding union leaders, favoured feature writers, unfunny comedians, front bench mansion-owners and so on) is in fact, elastic. The taxable money can be stretched this way and that to pay for all things.

    Equally I have to say that Labour's idea of a pound though being not quite the pound in anyone's pocket are misguided. Just because it is the stuff that holds up underpants too is irrelevant. It stretches, it gives (in the nicest way) and there's plenty of it.

    Yes, Labour's plans are pants, but don't tell them I said that.

  2. The sooner that the Conservatives realise that voting for their new Social Democratic version of the Conservative Party splits the UKIP vote, the better.

    The current Labour line-up is SO dangerous, that the Country literally could compeletely melt down within six months of them taking over.

    Our credit ratings will be lost, our costs of borrowing will increase, people enveloped in the last Labour housing price bubble will see their already astronomical mortgage interest payments increase beyond affordability. Inflation will increase, welfare payments will simply NOT BE ABLE TO BE MET AT ALL.

    So for the Labour loving, benefits scrounging, Union supporting, cheap labour immigration adoring, freaks of nature that will turn out in their droves come the next General Election, 'to get their money back'... we must turn out as an Army and ensure that we keep these bloody idiots out.