The Brutes!

On the drive home from work the other night I happened upon Weekend Woman’s Hour and – quelle surprise – a discussion centred on sexism, feminism… and bloody men! The article fawned over a ‘male feminist’, clearly confused, who had become something of a Radio Four ephemeral airwave celebrity among the little ladies, for speaking out about the disgusting sexism he encountered every day at work. On a building site. I’m serious; the whiny little shit didn’t like the way the men, in an all-male environment, behaved in an entirely manly manner. Men! They even told nasty, horrible sexist jokes… the primitive cave-dwelling beasts.

My first thought was that a career in construction was possibly not the best fit for young Adam – I kid you not, that was his name (Maybe he was just ribbing them, geddit?) – but then it was revealed that the firm belonged to daddy. He added that when the same men encountered women - customers, for instance - they were invariably polite, respectful and professional, but when they were alone in the exclusively male enclave of the site hut, why, the language was… so dreadful he simply couldn't repeat it.

The Woman’s Hour audience and commentators lapped it up. What a refreshing change! A real man at last, speaking out about the nasty, cruel, smelly, testosterone-driven, sweaty man-cattle that blight the lives of feminist martyrs who spend their time mining hard at the coal face of outrage. What a gentleman! What a dear! If only all men could be like Adam instead of the usual lumbering, lumpen mass of misogyny that is there for all to see, if you look hard enough. Men! With their big, clumsy hands and their frightening deep voices. Men! With their ugly hairy bodies and their inability to listen to a woman’s troubles. The irony hung in the air like thick wreaths of cigar smoke stinking up the joint.

The trouble is though, unlike feminists, men very rarely sit around thinking up reasons to hate the opposite sex; they are probably too stupid. And while some men undoubtedly are of that hateful disposition, those types of men are generally shunned by other men because, well, because men very rarely sit around discussing reasons to hate women. We’re too busy making up multi-targeted jokes which hurt nobody except for overly-sensitive types and those keenly attuned to any possible slight. Also, men have incredibly thick skins and even if they did understand the subtle passive-aggressive attacks on them waged day and night by the righteous Adamites it almost certainly wouldn’t bother them. See how infuriating they are!

Is this what a feminist looks like?

I pity poor Adam his tender sensitivities because they will be his downfall. Just as women say they love a man who makes them laugh and then set about perfecting put-downs to intercept his every attempt at doing just that, those who say they love a sensitive man will invariably dump the dullard for a grunting misogynist brute. But Adam’s young yet and he’ll learn. Meantime I’m sure any hurt will be soothed by a comforting hug from his boyfriend.