Friday, 7 October 2011

Gravity? Who needs it?

Watching Shock and Awe on BBC4 I couldn't help but think about Georg Simon Ohm.

Teutonic  tinkerer with the forces of nature that he was, he declared that V = IxR (forever remembered by the mnemonic Villa Is Rubbish) and that's the law! It's a good one because, as far as I know, nobody breaks it.

And yet, Isaac Newton for all his high and mighty principia must be hovering in his grave. How often have you read about people defying gravity? That's supposedly a law too, but one we seem to challenge with impunity every time we go on holiday. It's therefore a rubbish law and I'll have it repealed forthwith. Bring on the hover boots, I say!

Sod's Law causes nowt but bother. Murphy's Law says what can go wrong will go wrong and the Law of Averages decrees that we'll be visited upon by Sod and Murphy eleven-point-three-six times per person per year. On average.

Well, in the United Dingdom all laws will be fair and enforced, so I have no time for wishy-washy regulations which either cause untold misery or are regularly unheeded. Ever hear the expression 'rules are made to be broken'? Not in my world, matey.

So I'm going to get rid of all the laws we can't possibly abide by and stick to a few of the ten commandments. Thou shalt not kill, steal or play loud music while I'm on a nap. You can do as much coveting as you like and adults will be completely free to adulterate whenever they wish.

As long as you behave like decent human beings, which of course, you will, I'll only make up any new laws as required.

Although it's Sod's Law I'll be legislating like crazy shortly after I take power.

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