It looks like my time has come, peasants! Under mounting pressure to hold a referendum on membership of the EU, withdrawal from the travesty that is the Human Wrongs Act and a general clamour for better border control, the current collection of misfits that calls itself a government may have to do the right thing.
The right thing is, of course, to stand down in favour of a new regime. Me. It will be a new dawn and very much like a democracy... in that, just like all governments before me, I will pretty much ignore you and you will get what I decide. Admit it, you like it like that.
The first thing I will decree is a day of National Rest. I will create that day and I shall call it Sunday. And just in case you think I might be capable of renaging on my promises, I will do it right now. I don't need to be elected, I don't need a title, I don't need no stinking badges - here it is, done: Happy Sunday citizens!
Sadly, I have to go to work today. Even a king has to pay the bills!
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