Tuesday 11 October 2011

Hurtful Words

Just caught the excellent Planet Word with sweary-Mary, Stephen Fry who at one point repeated the manifestly untrue mantra, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me". Try telling that to poor Clive Ezra Tusselthwaite, 73, from Cumbria.

Wait, you can't, because he's dead. He was killed by the word 'wool' when these four innocent-sounding letters left their devastating mark during the clumsy de-commissioning of the flagship Whitehaven Woolworths Mega-store in 2008*.

The new United Dingdom will definitely require plenty of robust swearing, but I'm not so sure the regular old cuss-words will cut the mustard. We need a whole new vocabulary of vulgarity, a fresh lexicon of lewdness and a bright glistening pile of profanities to dip into whenever we need to excoriate an inferior, or to frontriculate our fringular frupriosities.

So, to kick off, an obvious choice is mr_spoon's favourite 'cockspank'. I'm sure there will be many offerings in a similar, self-abusing vein, but why stop at crude onanistic imagery? Be inventive, swear with flair and add your abuse in the box below, you mendiculant troppists!

(*Ronnie Barker, circa 1972, probably . Recycled for today's discerning audience)


  1. It's already here but I'm a fan of clunge

  2. And folk from Coventry could be sent there?

  3. I had a mate in my teens (many moons ago now) that would denote something good (car/beer/person etc) as being
    "fuckingarseholeshitbollockingpisshappyhandsom" without pausing for breath or batting of eyelid and would declare something not up to standard as simply "wanky".

  4. Nice one. An old favourite of mine is, similarly, "shitbuggerarseholestitcuntfannycockbum", which trips off the tongue quite nicely, I think. :-)