Wednesday 5 October 2011

Independent Experiment

Thank god the United Dingdom* is a free and independent state-within-a-state and not subject to the vagaries of the European Experiment! The last I looked, the Bunsens had been going for a long enough time for all the test tubes to have exploded or at least boiled dry and still nobody is anywhere nearing to writing up a conclusion. Or, for that matter, a method or objective, because as far as I can see nobody has a fucking clue how it should work, or what its purpose might be.

Trade, they said. Can't the UK just buy stuff it likes from France, like we in the Dingdom do? I did an experiment of my own over the summer and I managed to successfully enter France, buy stuff, then come home again without any more aggro than it would have taken in 1974. So that trade argument is bollocks, then.

Integration? Why? They all learn English anyway. That's that sorted.

Somebody once told me that it was about creating a European federal superstate with all powers and funding centralised in an obscure Belgian town and designed to subjugate all the formerly free nations of Europe for unclear purposes and that no good could possibly come of this. But that can't be true, can it? If THAT was true then successive British governments would have to have signed over, again and again, huge chunks of your sovereignty and money. They would have to have agreed to extending your full-to-bursting welfare state to the support of donkey-abusing, tax-dodging hot countries. They would have been compelled to open the borders and freely accept as many insane, immoral, violent foreign criminals as possible and let them wreak havoc on your formerly respected society.

But, as none of these things have actually happened, I can only conclude that the European Project was abandoned and that Britain remains free and proud, in charge of its own economy, law and order, defence and social issues. Thank goodness it never went ahead because, without hearing a single coherent argument, ever, as to exactly WHY it might be a good thing, I would be a very poor ruler indeed to sign up for it, don't you think?

To save Britain from the unconscionable prospect of European rule I am considering offering you all some kind of partnership, on condition you sort your life out.

(*That's us. While you're reading this you are a subject... and I'm king. Don't forget it.)


  1. And that, Ken, is satire... (note to self: check with dictionary)

  2. Satire. Is that the one that's smooth & silky or the one that is something to do with the Devil.
    Easily confused dot com :))

  3. It's the silky one.
    Mmmmm, silky. :-)