- Last summer's riots were blamed on anybody but the rioters themselves.
- The Tories got caught in a Blairesque cash-for-favours affair.
- Francis Maude idiotically scared stupid sheeple into panic buying fuel, causing utter chaos.
- In the absence of any real policy the opposition counter-attack on George Osborne's budget amounted to nothing more of substance than pasties.
- Then, when their attention was focused on being photographed in pie shops, Bradfordistan voted in their very own artificial Ayatollah in the form of preening narcissist 'Gorgeous' George Galloway, sycophant to Islamic tyrants the world over.
- And to cap it all, a fool in York sets herself on fire by decanting petrol while cooking on gas.
How in the world will we spot the spoofs, come April First?
Well, all this confirms what I've long suspected. You, the British public, in common with people the globe over, are basically quite, quite stupid. (Not the ones reading this, obviously) You put showboating before logic; you vote for personality rather than ability and you will probably jump to the rhythmic click of my fingers and the hypnotic tone of my voice if I feed you enough of the right kind of chocolate biscuits.
"How many biscuits?" you incisively ask, "And how much chocolate?" you demand to know. And, of course, now I've got you. While Newsnight debates the level of sugary, biscuity bribe that will get your vote, I've had my henchmen peek into your shallow souls and count up your worth. We'll be having your principles melted down for our gain even as the chocolate melts in your mouth. That's politics.
Gosh, how cynical, you gasp. Do I really see the human race, populated almost entirely by slack-jawed, entitlement-focused, undeserving yokels?
Yes. Yes I do. I said so, right from the start: It all started here.[link to first ever Batsby blog]
Now, be off with you, peasants, while I get on with my reign... and my weekend. (PS: Have a nice day!)