Why is it somehow never anything to do with islam? A survey reveals the damning truth that far too many 'moderate' muslims do not really oppose extremism at all. Thank goodness other religions don't demand the same blind adherence to the irrational...
Another day brings yet another attack on the benighted
followers of the religion of harmony, a religion that brings nothing but joy and
peace to the world. That and silky, shiny hair. Since I converted so as to offer
my life to harmony in the late nineteen seventies I have seen this country
change. We live simple lives of devotion and charity and in our modesty we
cover our heads. In hair; very big hair, to which we must attend at least five
times a day. Of course, the charity in which we strongly believe begins at
home, which is why we are unable to take up full time jobs and must throw
ourselves on the mercy of the state for subsistence. The hairspray alone takes
up most of our welfare cheque. That and all the bloody kids that just seem to
happen.
But where once our golden, flowing, bouncy locks were not
only tolerated but welcomed in to broaden the cultural base and beautify Britain,
now we are treated with suspicion and yes, harmonophobia is rife. In a recent
survey almost 80% of harmonims said they found it deeply offensive when cartoon
images depicting the prophet were published. The prophet is sacred to us and to
insult her by using any but the officially sanctioned image (below) is blasphemous
and must not go unpunished. We waited a long time and endured the hostility towards
us but the recent scalpings of BBC comedy commissioners in vengeance for the hairspray-related
comic sketches of the nineteen eighties are entirely justified and the majority
of moderate harmonims fully sympathise with these actions.
And although almost 95% of us would never think of
attacking people who use other grooming products we all nonetheless understand
the deeply rooted and righteous anger which drove a minority of the faithful to
lob burning aerosol bombs into salons which did not believe in harmony. We, the
moderate harmonims wish to live peacefully side by side with the advocates of TRESemmé
while quietly nodding in support and funding the hostilities of a small handful
of extremists who are killing those unbelievers but not practising real harmony.
Oh no; we harbour them, support them and generally agree with them, but they
don’t firebomb other product users in our name. They are not harmonims; they
are harmonists, which is a crucial distinction.
But where are the thanks we deserve for pretending we don’t
secretly applaud the violence? There must be tolerance and understanding from
the ugly, lank-haired worker scum who pay taxes to fund our peaceful way
of live. Without them practising tolerance for us and giving us preferential treatment
in all things there can be no peace. While we live as second-class citizens in
our taxpayer funded homes with our taxpayer funded Sky-TV Beauty Channel subscriptions
and our taxpayer funded hairdresser schools we will forever be denied the
supremacy that is our right.
The holy prophetess of harmony
Harmony means peace and harmonims live a life of peace
and love. But take the name of our hairspray in vain and the full wrath of
hairspray hell will come down on your heads. It’s not our fault, our
goddess demands it… or does she?
I like your distinction between Harmonims and Harmanoids, which are, as some of us know only too well, a very painful affliction in the Arse of Commons!
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