Thursday, 18 February 2016

Blond Widow

Look, he's crawling up my wall
Blonde and hairy, very tall
Now he's up above my head
Hanging by a little thread.

When John Entwistle penned the little ditty which haunted The Who through several decades, little did he know that a real life Boris was created at around the same time. The nineteen sixties were a great time for horror stories of the genetic mutation variety, but now the overgrown Johnson spider has spun his own web, along with his own story and is using it to catch and terrify smaller politicians and toy with them.

Now he's dropped on to the floor
Heading for the bedroom door
Maybe he's as scared as me
Where's he gone now, I can't see.

Despite his enormous bulk, it is said that much of Boris Johnson remains beneath the surface. That mop of purposefully unruly hair acts as a lure for the less cautious, who are drawn to it like moths to a flame, unaware they will get burned. In particular he likes to taunt his victims with a will-he/won’t-he riddle and over the particular question of Europe he has proved ruthless and unwilling to be drawn. David Cameron knows only too well that he will have to wait to see if he will be eaten or merely toyed with some more, over support for his rigged negotiations.

Creepy, crawly
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly.

Whatever he eventually does, few will later argue that it was against his own interests. The Johnson clan is a political force to be reckoned with, regardless of acting on blatant self-interest, which is usually a dangerous ploy for any political chancer. The Johnson spider has no sense of moral responsibility and ultimately spares no victims once they are no longer useful or amusing. Caught up in his sticky web of vague hints and un-promised pledges, even voters he intends to shaft gaze up at him as he musses up his hair and wobbles his great, rubbery cheeks and say as one, “It’s Boris, innit?!” unable to stifle a wry chuckle.
Boris the spider
Boris the spider
Some say he’s a force of nature, others, that he is a dangerous beast, but many still see him as a harmless natural survivor, hiding under the skirting boards of top-level politics and occasionally pouncing on his smaller, less well-defended prey. Until recently David Cameron has managed to avoid his clutches but now, there he is, struggling. His only defence against the overgrown Eton schoolboy is for somebody else with bigger shoes to take him out...

He's come to a sticky end
Don't think he will ever mend
Never more will he crawl 'round
He's embedded in the ground

But that’s just an old song. Despite his public vacuity, playing up the big, clumsy kid persona, those who know him say he is a serious front-runner and Cameron needs his deadly handshake to stay in the game. Certainly the general public either loathe him as part of a side they would never support, or love him as he plays political wiff-waff, his own version of the sport, in which he gets to make up the rules as he goes along. Boris Johnson, lovable chancer, or Boris the Spider, Machiavellian manipulator? I’m no longer sure which is real.


  1. I have not made my mind up about Boris would he or would he not make a very good PM and statesman or not. I believe him to be intelligent, astute and he has as far as I can discern been a good Mayor of London. He does play the buffoon but how much of that is an act or really is part of his character it is hard to judge. Self interest and ambition I am sure contributes significantly to how he thinks and acts.

    On balance I would have to say that he would be a good man to govern the UK better at least of any on the left and most on the right especially David Cameron. He is to my mind clever, competent and holds more or less the same political views that I do. I do think that his decision whether to back remain or leave will hinge on not what he thinks is best for the country but what will be best to serve his ambition of succeeding Cameron.

  2. Batsby,
    I have to say that I feel that osborne and Cameron are holed below the waterline as a political force. THere was Dave's quick uturn on election promises (I think it's called lying in the real world), Hunt's doctor debacle, the corporate tax scam and google (same under labour but the weak google tax payment is under Cameron) and Osborne's massively unpopular raids on benefits, some of which is justified, some not.

    Boris represents a chance for the Torys to say "he's not the same as the old bunch" and if they attempt to go with osborne or Dave in 2020 I could see labour winning. But with Boris? A fighting chance. I do think he's a very canny operator, I would be curious to find out whether the recent Tory policy disasters have him lurking in the background and pushing buttons...

    1. He is a political snake and would gently stab in the back any who get in his way. This may be a good thing in a party leader, but it is plain cuntish in a human being.

    2. Agreed. Can't help but think that Cameron and Osborne have managed to look cunty without any help from Boris though, which is paving the way for him to be the next party leader if the Torys stick to their traditions of being ruthless when dropping lame duck leaders.