Lucky Dave?

Some people have put forward the theory that Cameron is really a new Churchill in disguise, treating with his enemies in public but, back in Blighty, secretly plotting their overthrow. He is playing a long game, they say, seeing what meagre scraps from the table will eventually be offered, only to overturn that table and - in a flourish worthy of Tyrone Power himself - whip out his rapier and carve Z-for-Zorro across the invasion map of Europe. I don’t buy it; it’s not happening. Cameron is as committed a Europhile as the cowardly Boris Johnson, trying to look undecided but already signed up to the United Kingdom Clearance Sale. Everything must go: sovereignty, currency, law and order, identity, tradition and when they get round to it, history itself.

When future generations read about how the European Union held fast against the Romans, Napoleon, the invader Nelson, Hitler and Stalin, united under the glorious star-spangled dishcloth, what was once the United Kingdom will be consigned to a footnote in history. Those great EU cultural heroes will be celebrated with many bread and circus days named for them: Shakespeare, Mao, mohammed (of course), Charlemagne, De Gaulle, Obama, and – naturally - Zorro himself. A mask may be worn on his day as it must on V-Day; the mask of Occupy who liberated Europe from the oppressions of free speech advocates and restored the power of the banks. This history is already being written in the minds of your infants. (If you want hard proof, I just miss-typed ‘Brthsi’ and the spellcheck didn’t even offer the name of our realm as an option! Even Microsoft is on board!)

We are not going to see any more ‘concessions’. What we haven’t even already got is a poor request for the other countries to assist in keeping the truth from the British public as the straps are buckled tighter still. Even the supposed alternative strategy of ‘Flexcit’_[sic] is just a disguise for a mechanism by which our uncomfortable stay can be prolonged, possibly indefinitely. I reckon I have, at best, twenty years to go and I genuinely don’t expect to see any meaningful change in that time. So, David Cameron, you can go and fuck yourself unless you are prepared to rise to your office. I expect to be kept waiting.

Lucky Dave - whereabouts unknown

In other news, Lord Lucan is alive and well and living in England. Despite the reclamation of the title I believe the only Lucan anybody will remember is the one in that photo. Many since have copied his modus operandi, at least the one they believe, and vanished into obscurity. There will be no need for David Cameron to ‘take a walk in the woods’; when his time comes to leave the stage he could just do a Lucan... the only difference being that nobody will ever remember him.