Continental Drift

In the dying days of Victoria’s reign Cecil Rhodes is said to have pithily declared: “To be born English is to have won first prize in the Lottery of Life.” (This line is also credited to one Mr Kipling – presumably in between making exceedingly good cakes.) For a century or more we believed it, too. So much so that on several occasions during the last century newspapers would regularly report the weather thus: “Fog in channel; Continent cut off.” Nowadays the lines might read “To get into Britain is to win the Bingo of Benefits” and “Never mind the fog; they built a tunnel.”

But at least there was always the fact that while you could be born an Englishman and hold a birth certificate to prove it, the closest you could get to that as an immigrant was eventual, grudgingly bestowed, British citizenship. And that particular paperwork was certainly not given out like confetti until very recently – ask Mohammed Al-Fayed. Despite what many see as a massive decline in our fortunes and our desirability, still they come, pretenders to the title; you can dress British, act British and speak like a native, but to be actually born here is still a winning ticket.

But not if the EU gets its way because very soon the Royal Crest which adorns my birth certificate will be denied the next generation; they will emerge, crying, into the light as citizens of the European Union and their birth certificate will say so. This is not advantageous to us in any way; in the past British citizens were pretty much welcome anywhere because we traded with the whole globe for many centuries before the current inept bureaucracy was dreamed up. To be born British WAS to hold a passport to the world, whereas in future we will have nothing to distinguish us from any other Eurodrone.

As ever the capitulists wave the blue flag as if they were born under it. Paul Mason, Channel 4's News economics editor, doesn’t, want to be English and Chuka Umunna is encouraging bosses to bully their work forces into seeing the EU way. Vote ‘out’ in the referendum, he is effectively urging them to say and you’re sacked. So much for reasoned debate. You will do as you are instructed and forget those terrible olden days when free nations raped and pillaged lesserfolk in pursuit of their greed. In future histories no good will ever have come from the shameful adventures  of advanced European countries, save for the valiant efforts of the comrades in union.

But why do we have to apologise for getting our shit together, for creating the modern world? Why have African states been unable to capitalise on the technology and business methodology already created? Why do they carry on killing each other when they could cooperate and build a great successful continent? No individual European country wants to take the African migrants, importing who knows what troubles they bring with them, but the faceless European Union would impose quotas. The European Union has no borders.

Go west, young man!

But we have. As an island we have the perfect border and we should be allowed to police it. You call me a Little Englander as an insult? I accept that as a compliment and refer you to the wise words of Flanders and Swann: “The English, the English, the English are best; I wouldn’t give tuppence for all of the rest.” Now everybody grab an oar; lets pull up the anchors and get ready to row west, where our lottery tickets have a better chance of winning; as far away from the European Union as possible.