Monday, 11 May 2015

Shop soiled

Due to not fixing the roof the last time the sun was shining, I was up there repairing it yesterday. Oddly enough the sun was actually shining, but as I toiled my thoughts turned to roofs at large, some of which may by now be the subject of contemplation by the poor and dispossessed, the ‘most vulnerable’ and those who care about them as the best position from which to launch the ultimate protest. Throwing yourself on the mercy of gravity and concrete and leaving the clearing up to others is, of course, exactly appropriate for those who can no longer live in this cruel, cruel world. A world where, if you believe social media, the Tories are planning to introduce policy so nasty it will intentionally kill thousands; a world where Maggie’s ghost will stalk the land stealing the breath from colic infants in the night.

At times over the weekend I felt as if I had been transported to a Dickensian squalor of the very worst of times. While most ordinary people, voters or not, went about their days with a feeling of relief at the general election outcome, or else a feeling of nothing very much, a small but vocal and disruptive minority with access to impressionable young minds set about protesting at democracy. On Twitter it emerged that because 36% of the votes went to make 50% Conservative seats the result is invalid and the 64% should have prevailed. In other words let the largest party become the minority in parliament so that the disjointed forces of the confused and left and anarchic and plain bonkers can represent the basket case that Britain has so clearly become.

Basing your majority on everybody that didn’t vote Tory and then expecting that bizarre assembly to somehow come up with coherent policy is exactly what simple democracy would be; or as I like to call it, chaos. It betrays a level of thinking that cannot move beyond the propaganda that Tories are evil, Tories kill the poor and sick, Tories are not human. I spent a rare weekend off being variously reviled, insulted, mocked and threatened by the lovely parties, despite never once declaring myself blue or otherwise. Pointing and laughing at the self-destructive ‘left’ was all it took; if you are not with them you must be against them. How in the world do lefty comedians manage to undertake an enhanced scrutiny of humanity yet still believe that raging, screaming hate mobs are the caring side of the divide.

Of course, for we observers of such matters it is all hilarious, like watching YouTube videos of pets and children falling over, tripping up, diving into soup and performing stunts which, to the educated eye, can have only one outcome. But sometimes you wonder if there isn’t something going on at a more sentient level. Take Matt Woodruff of the family business Woodruff’s Yard in Lewes. He erected the sign you see below to express his disgust at the election outcome. A small businessman, against the Tories? Ah but plants, see…

When this hit Twitter (my bad) Matt took to a local forum to defend his possibly illegal discriminatory approach to business. If it works soon we will be able to enjoy the good old days of ‘No blacks, no dogs, no Irish’ at establishments nationwide. And compensation will be paid to those Christian guest house owners prosecuted for preferring not to accommodate gays, or bakeries averse to making lesbian wedding cakes. But of course that won’t happen and nor should it. Matt will not be prosecuted and there are enough who feel like him to do his business no harm. So while 64% can go on hating, the other 36 are quietly getting on keeping the world safe for them to do so.

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