Mental

As a rational, middle aged, heterosexual cis-male white man, there are many issues about which I am actually not allowed to have an opinion. Mental illness is one of them, so here it is; it’s mostly bollocks. If you were offended at this point you may be a bit doo-lally yourself; I didn’t say it was all bollocks, just mostly. Mostly because if you treat every bit of instability every bout of sadness, every losing-it moment as a condition warranting medical attention, then you must be insane. But hey, in a world where everybody requires their own individual, highly personalised, bespoke bit of disadvantage in order to ‘compete’ it is little wonder that eventually the madness would filter up to government level.

Theresa May is putting the crazy back into constituency, the wacky back in ward and the barmy in the ballot box by a token financial gesture towards mental well-being that has already produced demands for even more. Because, of course, that’s the way with the welfare state; once you open up another box of bonkers, there’s no telling where it will lead. Actually, that’s a bare-faced lie; we already know exactly where it will lead. Case after nutcase will grab the population’s imagination as the scope of Project Mental Britain creeps until no lunacy goes unrewarded. It’s your human rights, innit?

Mad axe murderers, gibbering psychotics and howlers at the moon are clearly a danger to themselves and others. It’s not them we’re worried about. Oh, except maybe for the axe jobbies, because insanity has long been a basis for criminal defence. Indeed, many recent unfortunate incidents of the jihadi Joe variety have been excused on the grounds of poor mental health, or as it is more widely known, islam.

But I digress. The point is that, like learning difficulties, the sort of mental health that May is inexpertly pontificating about exists in a continuum; there isn’t one position on the scale at which shyness becomes pathological; there isn’t a dividing line between anxiety and clinical depression. And while awareness is all well and good, bringing it into the classroom as has been suggested is akin to what has happened with education; nowadays if you don’t have a special educational need you have to struggle along all by yourself.

So watch the list of mental maladies grow with each passing year, each providing fodder for a burgeoning industry. Think I’m making too much of this? Then consider the growth of counsellors, life coaches and desperate chancers, all cashing in on the insecurities and snowflakery of the upcoming generations. If neuroses are going to be the basis for the new age cuckoo community then almost by definition the following are mentally ill: toddlers, teenagers, fatties, goths, lefties, the socially awkward, serial fad-followers, cat ladies, loners, hypers, ghost-hunters, god-botherers and anybody who leans on the crutches of difference.

The low self-esteem machine has been steadily churning out inadequates ever since some people realised there was money to be made in identifying and labelling the normal fears we all have as treatable... for a price. According to recent reports, seventeen million man-hours a year are lost through mental ill health – or is that actually immeasurable bollocks? And how come those who study aberrations of the unbalanced variety are invariably needy, unstable nutters themselves?

But, if we are going to formalise hysteria at a national level and classify it so as to allocate funding we need a more accurate metric. I propose The Streep; a unit of self-harming self-delusion at which fantasy and reality become sufficiently indistinguishable as to be capable of affecting everybody in the room. After all, if going bananas is going to be taken seriously we need to consider the very real probability that it is contagious; it could affect the whole bunch. So line up for your sick note, form a disorderly queue, get your diagnosis here and pick up your cash from the chemist; you’d be mad not to.

Dementia

It’s been suspected for a long time now that the planet may have Alzheimer’s. With an attention span of – oh look, squirrel! – and a collective IQ of around half-past eight, the developed world has lived beyond its useful life and is entering the twilight years. It’s like we only keep the old boy on, letting him pretend he still has a job, because it’s easier than watching the distress it causes when he occasionally gets to glimpse cold, hard reality. In the face of all the evidence to the contrary, western governments and their media allies and their detached academics and their blinkered peaceniks insist we can all peacefully coexist and not simply endure enforced multiculturalism but thrive on the diversity. In fact the answer to the challenges posed by diversity is always more diversity... but only for the diverse.

The old empire – whatever you have been indoctrinated to believe in hindsight, by possibly well-meaning but culturally suicidal, agenda-driven minds – was, in a pre-technological world, ‘a very good thing’. Possibly the biggest leap forward in every sense since the Romans (Are they evil now? It’s hard to keep track.) yet all we hear is “What did the British ever do for us?” (Fill in your own long list.) The end is nigh, the doom-mongers used to say, in expectation of a godly apocalypse. They may be right, but the fall of civilisation will come not from god, not even from believers in gods, but from civilisation itself.

Rough men, brave men, went to war and died to keep their countries free from brutal tyrannies but the real tyrants now are those who heed not what was done for them and have no regard for sober history. University students – young people who should be opening their mind to all possibilities – are shutting down debate on campus after campus. A recent, orchestrated walk out from an appearance by contrarian Katie Hopkins: showed absolutely no concern for those who had turned up to hear her out. The no-platforming of anybody who holds views which don’t accord with the new orthodoxy goes way beyond simply refusing to listen; consider the hounding out of office and reputation of Tim Hunt by a concerted and confected charge of sexism and ask whether this is the action of rational, thinking, enlightened humans.

Then there is the insistence by the current – this month’s - Shadow Environment Secretary that referring to practitioners of an almost entirely male profession by the term ‘fishermen’ is lazy and unthinking sexism. I wonder how Harriet Harman feels about that? And examine the almost incredible revelation that Labour MEPs support the repatriation of jihadis to Britain; for every one they rehabilitate, dozens more will be radicalised to take their place. I say ‘almost incredible’ but set against the daily outpouring of utter fuckwittery that typifies the current state of the left in turmoil it passes for normal.

World Leaders discuss Climate Change in Paris

Meanwhile the world leaders are meeting to see how far to push the climate agenda, aided and abetted by the sheep who clamour for yet more restrictions on their freedoms. So, as the lights start to flicker and die across the civilised world, the left will use the chaos to regroup and usher in the islamic agents of the future caliphate and the sun will finally set on the glory that was the European Enlightenment. Welcome to the new Dark Ages; and hope your own dementia takes you first.