Grand

There is a certain sector of society that just has to make everything complicated – it’s what they live for. For clarity, yes, I am lumping together all of the following into this ‘sector of society’ for they have more in common than what separates them. Ready? Here we go... it’s a long list. Firstly, anybody who declares themselves as feminist – this goes almost without saying. Next, all who proudly assume the mantle and martyrdom that goes with any of the characters in LGBTQQIAP2S+. Add in those with ‘activist’ in their twitter handle and anybody who thinks that ‘liberal’ means telling other people what to think.  Anarchists; they’re twats as well...

Corbynistas of all kind, in fact all sorts of ‘ista’. Guardian devotees, social justice warriors, all students who believe that universities should protect them from hearing things they don’t like and all lecturers/teachers who spread that message. Anybody associated with the New Labour travesty, anybody associated with the Old Labour travesty and anybody who is actually British who refers to themselves, all the fucking time, as a ‘proud European’. I should add that this list isn’t exhaustive but you get the point; you see the direction of travel. Reaching for one word to lump them under I would say ‘joyless’ is reasonably accurate as a start.

While engaged in their mission to promote diversity by turning everybody into the exact same kind of yowling baby they stop at nothing to prevent the rest of us (I’d say, at a wild guess, about 52% of us) having a chuckle. No subject is off-limits to the offence police. So, what’s their latest target for hate and proscription? A show they have to choose to watch has upset some gays. Not all gays – plenty are quite man enough to giggle along – but those in the LGBTQQIAP2S+ pot are fewmin! It wasn’t enough that they killed Top Gear, they now want to kill its devil-spawn The Grand Tour.

Why? Because Jeremy Clarkson, James May and in particular Richard Hammond have dared to carry on doing exactly what their fans pay them to do; take the piss. They take the piss out of each other – ho ho ho! They take the piss out of cars we will never be able to afford to drive – what larks! And they take pot-shots at the establishment which, frankly, jolly well deserves it. But, oh dear, what is this on the horizon? A bit of amusing banter between heterosexual males? About gays and gayness... gayitude? How very dare they! “I have as much a sense of humour as the next man but that shit is off limits! Gay soldiers fought on the beaches of Normandy so we would never have to listen to free speech like that again!” they may very well have said.

Sod Aleppo, sod the bloodbath that the Middle East has become. Stuff the increasingly violent behaviour of the ravening hordes swamping European countries right now. Who cares that the whole civilised world is in turmoil; the throbbers have sparked up the fire of indignation and the offence du jour – correction, du yesterjour – is some words. How dare The Hamster commit the offence of casual homophobia! Listen up: if you are gay, casual homophobia is the least of your worries. Because one of the biggest threats to our society engages in active and extreme and very well organised homophobia; nothing casual about it.

One small step for a gay man...

When you are standing in line on the roof of a tall building you might want to reflect on how your reaction to this flimsiest of possible excuses for having a hissy fit contributed to your presence in the queue. As you shuffle towards the edge, clad in your orange jumpsuit you may want to wish that the old white men you hate so much were still around to look after the freedoms you so wantonly threw away. Lighten up lads; have an ice cream...

Top Tour

Had Chris Evans and Matt Le Blanc had an idea to make a show based on cars, challenges and cocking about it would have been brilliant. Seriously, both are entertaining characters, both have a love of many-horse-powered crazy horses and both are entirely competent in the art of cocking about. The resulting hour of television would have made compelling weekly viewing and everybody would have been be happy. Except for one thing; they tried to take over Top Gear and Top Gear, like Cerberus at the gates of Hades obeys only one master. Well, three, actually.

Sacrificed to the gods of political correctness, cast out like Lucifer and his angels, Clarkson and his left and right hand have returned to wreak terrible revenge the only way they know how; by taking the viewing public with them. By making a show that is better, funnier and rich with ridicule for their former employers. The decision was not taken lightly; the BBC is often revered by its staff and envied by others but it is in thrall to a mean-spirited vision of egalitarianism that stifles non-conformity.

The introductory passage of The Grand Tour was full of barbed, intemperate jibes about new-found freedom and the jocular giving of offence; broadly, JC and his disciples can mock who they like now, without fear of censure by anybody except their audience. And their audience shows no sign of switching off, unlike the response to the much-vaunted relaunch of Top Gear. Back in Broadcasting House they still don’t realise what they’ve done and stand by their rigorously tested codes of correctness.

In the old order of the general left-wing, party politics and those often referred to as ‘the elites’ the way to do business seems to be to demand obedience then stamp your feet when you don’t get your own way, or encourage others to stamp them for you. Like the Remain reaction to the referendum and the Democrat supporters’ reaction to Trump there is an air of disbelief. No, they are saying, this is not how it is supposed to be. Meanwhile the rest of us are quietly chuckling away at Jeremy Clarkson likening the tour to gypsies... but with insurance; the kind of remark that would have the BBC compliance police in incandescent apoplexy.

So, the latest reaction of the EU old order to the UK’s forthcoming ‘negotiations’? To show just how far they really don’t grasp what is going on and declare that they will force a ‘hard Brexit’ as a deterrent to other populist movements. The very fact they don’t understand the democratic irony of declaring majority opinion to be wrong would be hilarious, were it not so worrying. And just to show how little they understand, Labour’s John McDonnell has judged that the time is right to demand a move to make Britain a republic and remove the monarchy.

Top Gear is dead. Long live Top Gear Two

Tis the season to be jolly all right. Jeremy Corbyn is noisily denouncing Trump and Farage and wondering why nobody is listening. The BBC is busy pushing its winter schedule, trotting out the same old fare and wondering where its audience has gone. And politics-as-usual is frantically asking all the wrong people why the plebs voted the wrong way. Maybe if all the sobbing snowflakes could uncritically enjoy Clarkson, Hammond and May they would begin to see why the other Hammond and May are now running the country...