Going Dutch

The famously tolerant Dutch are discussing the creation of scum villages. Just as I proposed the walling up of illegal travellers' settlements (if they don't want to travel they can bloody well forcibly stay on site forever) they are suggesting the removal and incarceration of nuisance neighbours in makeshift 'punishment housing camps'.

Before you leap to the conclusion that this is the fiendish scheme of some far-right lunatic, it is Amsterdam's Labour mayor who has complained that the long-term harassment of law abiding council tenants needs to be aggressively curtailed. He is quoted as saying, "This is the world turned upside down," and "Repeat offenders should be forcibly removed from their neighbourhood and sent to a village for scum... Put all the trash together."

For too long our system of law and social justice has appeared to serve the criminal rather than the victim. Far from Owen Jones' imagined 'demonisation' of working people, this is a very real problem and the chav scum at the heart of every sink estate need to be taken on, or taken out. Instead we provide them with incentive after incentive to piss all over everybody's chips and they laugh in the face of authority while picking its pockets.

The problem is going to get worse too, because very soon we will face an unquantified and apparently unstoppable invasion by Romanian and Bulgarian immigrants intent on sucking the public purse drier than ten-year old Bombay duck hung out on the south side of a pyramid. They are coming and they'll need to be housed... if we build the chav camps at least we'll have 'ethnically appropriate' accommodation all ready for them.

And snipers, of course. The cornerstone of my proposals for tackling the population and social problems, we could deploy watchtowers and snipers, for what else is a foreign invasion than war by another name? And if there's one thing we're good at in Britain it's war. We've taken them all on in the past and emerged victorious but this European sham has made us drop our guard and many British towns are already under siege from hordes of foreign marauders.

But we're missing  trick here, surely? Why wait until they land and then deal with the bothersome business of food and shelter? Why not pluck them from the high seas and pack them all into prison hulks offshore? Or even better, deploy Lord Palmerston's Follies once again in the service of defending our borders.

Fortress Britain

Or sod it. Why not open the borders completely and let them all in while we fuck off and take over somebody else's land? I hear Gaza's very nice this time of year...

The dirty, dirty bastards!

So, here's the thing. The reason I wasn't chattering away on Twitter last night? (What do you mean, you didn't notice?) I had to drive up to Leeds to get my house back.

Four years ago, when I first rented it out it was all newly finished. Rewire, new kitchen & bathroom,  re-plastered,  new central heating & beautifully decorated throughout. Early this year, when the first tenant left, it was still pretty much immaculate. Now, nine months later, I receive an anonymous text, asking me if it is available for rent, as it is empty.

What the f...? Call tenant; no pickup. Send text seeking explanation; received text back saying she'd tried many times to contact me to no avail. Funny how, when she blew up the washing machine, broke the back door and flooded the bathroom, etc, she could get hold of me just like that. Funny how everybody else who tried to contact me on holiday had no problem doing so.

Cool as you like she informed me she'd vacated ten days ago, that she'd got a council house and when would I like to pick up the keys? Leeds is only 110 miles from Birmingham, but it took 2-1/2 hours to get there through rush hour, accidents and lane closures. Did she show? Of course not. My reception committee was a pair of sub-human, track-suited, pond scum with overtones of welfare-funded, common or garden paedohilia in the form of a hooded middle aged man with an emaciated teenage kid in tow, who tossed the keys to me from over the road with a cursory grunt...

Their reason for my ex-tenant's no-show? She had the kids 'back'. When she took the place - recommended by previous perfect tenant - she had only one brat... turns out the others have been recovered from the social services lost property shop. To people like this, this is just a normal event. When I got inside I immediately saw the real reason she didn't meet me... dirty protest. (The kids are just an excuse; as easily ditched as soon as a better offer arises.) No wonder I got no notice until the evacuation was a done deal.

To us, the decent, striving, tax-paying fuellers of the economy, Life of Grime was a freak-show documentary about people with extraordinary and slightly amusing mental aberrations. To the underclass of idle, scrounging, sprog-popping, benefit-thieving peasants, it was a design for life. The Labour Party would have you believe that everybody is deserving of minimum standards way above those they have the ability to afford or appreciate. I defy you, after seeing the state she left MY house in to demand anything better than extinction for this breed of animal.

Labour's legacy

I am owed rent. The place needs a top-to-bottom, hospital-standard, disinfectant deep-clean -  full carpet & curtain replacement, new shower, total redecoration - before it's fit again for habitation. So, not content with taking our money - she/they lived entirely off the state - she sees nothing wrong in leaving me further costs to recover what is mine to a reasonable standard.

Do I have any sympathy for these generations of 'forgotten' souls? Do I believe for one second that they are the equal of any other human being? Do I think their squalid, mean, existences can be improved and that that improvement would benefit society as a whole? Do I reckon this breed of sub-human is the result of decades of mealy-mouthed, weak Socialism?

What do you think?