islam explained

Did you ever wonder about theology as a grown-up pursuit? I often have; the very notion of so-called ‘revealed’ religions being tinkered with down the generations to come up with ever more convoluted ways of interpreting the ‘literal word’ of supposedly perfect gods. Aside from the ‘perfect’ bit there’s a problem right there with that plural. The big three revere jehovah, the unimaginative ‘god’ and of course the boss of islam, ‘allan’. (As entirely abstract concepts none of these imaginary beings or beliefs deserves to begin with a capital letter – a small protest, but mine own.) But if they all believe in a single perfect creator, as they seem to do, who somehow passed onto his publicists on Earth his exact design for the way his creations should live their lives then I’d suggest theology has much to answer for; Chinese Whispers passing as serious study… and in the process multiplying one creator into several and one ‘revealed’ message into thousands of contradictory rules.

Wait – that’s almost as if the study of religion actually creates the gods, in direct contradiction of the orthodoxy. Best get smoking some more of that good shit, guys. And following that simple chain of thought I can now reveal the bleeding obvious, that the extended study of something most children get beyond as soon as they have to earn a living is indicative, not of any higher calling but of an inability to enter into mature debate about human nature. Much, in fact, as those eternal students of Marx can never accept the evidence that he was wrong on just about everything. How long before the world’s islamic ‘scholars’ tell us that “Of course, REAL islam has never been tried, actually.”

I have often mused thus, so listening on the drive home to Beyond Belief on Radio 4 I welcomed the opportunity to become enlightened about the only religion in whose name thousands are currently engaged in killing and maiming and declaring global annihilation of unbelievers. No, not the Rastas – although you’d be forgiven for being misled, what with all that chat about the mind-warping drugs – but the religion of, wait for it, peas. Several participants engaged in discussion about the koran and the hadiths and their importance to aslan. Well, bugger me if the thing I learned most of all is that – you guessed it – it is all made up!

It turns out that the koran (the literal word of allah) cannot be understood without reference to the hadiths (the verbatim ramblings of mohammed) but there’s a twist or two. You see, not all muslims believe the koran is the literal word of allan and not all the hadiths are thought to be authentic, some being created on the whims of various propagandists as and when required in order to interpret the koran in whatever way the authors wanted. Good hadiths and bad hadiths… and ‘maybe’ the literal word of a non-existent being.  But it’s all okay, they have a rigorous ‘scientific’ method of telling truth from lies. Yes, it turns out that the true mohammedan hadiths have irrefutable provenance; since the days of mo’ they have been passed down by word of mouth from imam to imam, although quite what David Bowie’s missus has to do with it is anybody’s guess.

So that’s all settled. Or rather it isn’t. See, the peaceful muslims are adhering to the exact same religion as the murderous ones and how they behave is merely down to which version they choose to take from the shelf. An Abu Dhabi first edition from 1929, for instance, might instruct you to look out for your elderly neighbour while the 1943 Mecca Press third reprint is quite clear you should behead all those who live in odd-numbered houses. And do you bomb or love-bomb your host country? It’s a tricky little conundrum isn’t it? And there is no point in asking a muslim because they haven’t a clue either, yet all of them are convinced that their current interpretation is the correct one...until they change their mind. Oh, did I mention that is okay too? 

Meanwhile the infidels David Cameron, Barack Obama and all the western leaders are terrified of upsetting the currently good muslims in case they shuffle over to the dark side. They all say they want to work with islam, to understand it, to reach out to its disaffected and strive to defend the best traditions of the faith. Best of luck with that, I say, but until the penny drops, how about reaching out to the disaffected and abandoned millions of your non-muslim citizens whose eyes were de-scaled long ago and can see perfectly clearly what you so wish to deny?

Out of the mouths

The Conservatives are promising to make illegal immigration, er… illegal. It strikes me that the very term ‘illegal’ surely carries with it the explicit notion that you are doing something the law doesn't permit. It seems odd then, that they had to make another law making it ‘specifically’ illegal as opposed to, I guess, ‘sort-of’ illegal. Is this anything to do with EU influence over our jurisdiction? Or is it yet another home-grown fuck up?

Maybe the switch of focus onto illegal immigration is an attempt to steer us away from the massive problem of the 318,000 – almost a third of a million – net immigration figure of the last twelve months. Remember that is net; it doesn't reveal the real total of people coming in, which turns out to be double that at 641,000, which means that 323,000 people left the country during the same period. Some of that number will be made up of immigrants returning home but how many are native Brits fleeing the sinking ship?

Britain is changing beyond recognition, just as Tony Blair and his cronies intended, but the biggest change is not from accommodating Europeans, with many of the civil and cultural values we hold, because 290,000 of the incomers are not from Europe at all and Brexit would not help. Of course ‘not from Europe’ does not mean Canadians, Australians, Americans and others; it means overwhelmingly an invasion which has been gathering pace for some time. It means a change so significant that even children can plainly see what our leaders refuse to.

During the years of branding native British identity as shameful and not to be celebrated few non-politicians can fail to have noticed how the younger generation are being replaced. The Michaels are being replaced by mohammeds, the Alices by Aishas. A recent study reveals that the view from the playground is that muslims are taking over the country. But if you read the article in the Independent you will notice that it makes a big deal of the lack of awareness of the children. It completely ignores the reality they see around them, much as modern politics refuses to see the raging fire it is trying to extinguish with a cup of water.

You heard it in the playground...

Meanwhile, in the Middle East playground ISIS is sacking Palmyra in its unquenchable lust to return the world to a stone-age caliphate. Does anybody seriously doubt the aim of muslims in Britain to eventually dominate and impose the sharia in Britain's islamic state? Especially when vocal elements have publicly declared exactly that intent. Whatever your reaction to that statement, whatever your conditioning has compelled you to screech, it is not racist to point out that people who don’t look like us, don’t speak like us and don’t share our values should be treated with suspicion. Strikes me that the kids are all right.

Explosive Topic

Another twenty-four hours go by and what do we get? More angry islam. Everywhere you look around the world the religion of blown to millions of tiny pieces is enriching and enlightening followers and non-followers alike. It’s not even a war really, mass-killing their own with the same alacrity as when beheading the infidel. Suddenly equality doesn’t seem such an ideal to strive for.

And yet, once again the response of soft-bellied politicians and bleeding heart ‘progressives’ is to paint islam and all its adherents as the real victims. As the cries of ‘islamophobia’ rise from behind the gnashing teeth the survivors and the families of the actual victims are left to somehow deal with their grief without denouncing the perverse ideology which brought about their hurt. If we don’t fight this fire with equally determined fire it will burn down all our houses, so what is it about this primitive, barbaric doctrine that makes it a crime to criticise?

Forget the ‘moderate islam’ nonsense; according to the islamic state crusade what they demand and what they follow is islam in its purest form. If so then this cult has run its course and if it ever served a useful, peaceful purpose (for which I see no evidence at all) that time is long gone. It’s not just here and it’s not just a reaction of western muslims to injustice, real or perceived, against the east. This is actual world-wide jihad, it is apparently sanctioned by leaders of the faith and it simply isn’t being challenged in any meaningful way.

How long before something is done to stop this wave of terror in its tracks? Or will we wait until the only thing we can do is sharpen their blades and hold our neighbour’s head steady to make the end smoother, quicker, somehow more dignified? Words won’t work against an enemy who abhors our very existence and whose frequently attested intent is to dominate the whole world. And if the creed has such a hold on its followers that they dare not turn their back on it then there really is only one solution; you don’t negotiate with cancer, you cut it out.

This medieval madness has nothing to offer the modern world except to drag it back to the barren wastelands of its origins in the fevered mind of a madman, or as is more likely, the fevered minds of a succession of warped control freak, small-testicled inadequates with a deep hatred of women. If muslims will not denounce so-called extremism and render islam the equivalent of the toothless Anglican church, whereby not fully believing is practically a virtue in itself, then islam has no place in the west.

There is nothing funny about islam. We keel you!

Even mosque architecture is offensive; ugly, inhuman edifices wrought with primitive, repetitive, non-representative ‘art’ that burns with no passion, no joy. Given that islam actually means submission it is fitting that its temples look like prisons for the soul. So, moderate muslims, if you exist you do have a choice. It might be painful, it might be hard to overcome a lifetime of being chained to an unforgiving wheel but if you really want to help, turn your back on allah and simply walk away.

(Note for newcomers: I habitually do not capitalise any islam-related terminology except in error. I just don't recognise any of these words as proper nouns.)

Jumping Jihadis

So, ninety percent of the electorate don’t bother to turn out to vote for a new Inter-Planetary Press and Police Complaints Commissionaire, Maître-Doorman, or whatever the fuck they were being asked to select. Has it occurred to politicians that nobody really gives a fig any more? Maybe the muslims are on the right track after all; democracy is dead as a door nail and trying to use it to legitimise an election which can now be won by the pitching up of Mam, Dad, Uncle Kev and Aunty Dor’ at the polling booth of a Thursday evening is as valid as pretending Popes can perform miracles.

It’s all very well organising things in accordance with the will of the majority, but let’s be frank, the majority couldn’t give a fuck what happens just so long as they can get off their tits of a weekend and have their battle scars patched up by the NHS free, gratis and for nothing, thank you very much. In fact, given the proven ability of committees to fuck things up far more effectively than any one, sane decision-maker, effectively making the entire country a committee of millions it’s a wonder anything ever gets done at all…

Or looked at another, rational, way, it’s no wonder at all that we’re in the depths of shit we’re currently wading through. The Middle East badly need a few ruthless dictators back in power to quell the squabbling medievals; somehow the world was a more peaceful place when people were left alone to persecute each other in their own places of origin, rather than be allowed to swan about inflicting confusion and bloodshed in the name of cultural enrichment.

Clearly, humans do not play well with other children and must be separated for their own good. The new Terror ASBOs are not going to do that. They want an islamic state, then let them have one and make them stay there, because the only way of controlling the jihadists is by the methods they use to control others. And given that in a supposedly civilised country we don’t do that sort of thing, surely our only answer is to export our national HR problem by outsourcing it to where they can.

The good news is that it turns out islam isn’t a one-size fits all deal. Despite their insistence that the one true allah is merciful, there must be several such allahs, for each one favours a different type of warped superstition and appears to decree death to the rest: Sunni-Delights, Shia LaBeoufs, Wahhabi Waffles, Sufi Succotash the various allahs preside over a marvellously divided bunch of misfits. So, this gives me an idea.

Round ‘em up, divide them into their sectarian groups, load them into troop planes and fly them all back to not quite where they belong. Give them a choice of parachute or not, but either way, drop them over a different group’s territory. Do the same with all the hysterical lefty supporters of Hamas – they can choose which type of lovely islam they want to live with. Repeat until the only muslims who remain in Britain are the hitherto silent and largely mythical ‘moderate’ ones and all of the lefties have shut the fuck up. I can see no downsides apart from the loss of a few thousand parachutes.