Thursday 5 January 2012

Own Goal

I received a text yesterday asking whether I'd heard about the new 50p coin that explained the offside rule in footie. I patiently waited for the (no doubt hilarious) punchline, which never came. But while I was driving home I heard about it on the radio. Offside coin? I still thought it might be an early April Fool joke, but no.

Here's the story in the Daily Mail yesterday.

I know what you're thinking; just because the Mail reports it it doesn't make it true. So I searched The Guardian. No sign of it on the main page. Neither was it to be found in Money, nor in Sport. Oh, of course, the Guardianistas don't really get sport - with their weedy little legs and delicate sensibilities and all that. (In fact a sport-rule 50p would probably be far too guilt-ridden for them, representing the twin evils of capitalism and brute human nature.) But The Guardian don't report a lot of things that they don't agree with, so this wasn't conclusive

I still needed confirmation so I turned to the Daily Telegraph and there it was, on their main Sport page. Sorted. Good old Telegraph, reliable reporting on the important issue of the day. Now nobody need be in any doubt about this important principle and for good measure I've drawn you a diagram:

But while I was trawling the 'net I came across this unsavoury little article about yet another paedophile churchman who notably rewarded his victims to the tune of fifty pee a go. Foul ref! Of course this was a Catholic abuser - the regular kind - but that doesn't draw fire from my comments about the Archbishop of Canterbury the other day. Not one bit; blokes in clerical dress are all of a kind; delusional oddballs, some of whom use their calling to camouflage their crimes.

But at least we now have some help. Rather than put the victims through the misery of describing their ordeal, we can just ask them, "Using the fifty-paedophile coin, show the court just where he touched you." Offside!

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