Wednesday 25 January 2012

Raffles The Gentleman Tea-leaf

This charming young fellow has been shamefully impeded from going about his legitimate business by the bully-boy tactics of the local constabulary. But Ronnie "Raffles" Trenton is not about to be undone by Plod, egad! Oh no, this gentlemanly heister has not managed to notch up eighty-eight undetected and victimless crimes since 2003 without knowing a thing or two about evading capture. In an exciting, nine-year career he has skilfully outwitted the forces of law and ord....

... what's that you say? Oh, I see. Sorry, I do beg pardon, my information would appear to be in error.

Ahem. Correction. This scaly little toe-rag has, apparently 88 known offences, 25 of which involve theft. Yet, despite the clear ineptitude with which he plies his trade he has announced that when he's next at liberty he is going to go back 'on the rob' to recover what he thinks is his - that is, other people's money.

Well, think again, Sonny Jim. The British justice system is hardly likely to ever let you out of prison again is it, what with your record? I would imagine the sentence would have to be weighed out in decades at the very least... Excuse me? Come again? He's out on bail for at least another three weeks? No. That just can't be true, I mean...

What's the fucking point?

Okay, how about this? When he gets out after a few weeks of being kept warm and dry at Her Majesty's pleasure, why don't we organise a lynch mob, go down to Leigh-on-Sea, drag him into the street and kick the shit out of the little tossbag until we've broken every bone in his worthless fucking criminal body and then put the video on YouTube?

Anybody need a lift?


  1. His parents must be so proud. O waaaaaait a minute.... His parents MUST be what fucked him up in the first place . Utter utter utter scum. This lad is never going to be rehabilitated ( are any of them?) persistent offenders like him are what chaingangs should be brought back for. Chained together in bright red uniforms and used to clean this shit hole of a country up. * steps away from the blog as can feel steam coming out of ears *

  2. Calm down dear... I expect the poor lad has half a dozen children in the wild to not care for as well.