Monday, 2 January 2012

Who, me?

Apparently the acutely lard-arsed don't see it.

Thankfully I don't suffer from this problem. No, my problem is finding clothes to fit! In an effort to pander to the whims of fashion I find that manufacturers are deliberately over-sizing. For instance, my thirty-two-inch waisted trousers bear an inaccurate label that says thirty-six, which is preposterous. My measurements have not changed at all and I can prove this because my top-quality, Loake tan brogues are just as comfortable a fit as they were when I first bought them almost twenty years ago. So there.

Similarly, although some of my older, natural-fibres-only, clothes have shrunk in the wardrobe, I find those with a mix of Lycra are just as comfy as ever they were. And, of course, I have always favoured dark clothes, such as baggy black tee-shirts for no other reason than that they are classically stylish.

Anyway, I have discovered that around the house it's so much more comfortable in a 'onesie' don't you think?

If there is a 'problem' it's obviously with food labelling. For instance, on a standard Mars bar it states a calorie content of 280, which is clearly incorrect. I reckon it's closer to half of that and adjust my intake accordingly. And bread gets such bad press. I checked online and a slice of Nimble white bread contains less than 50 calories. Well, I like a nice, rustic multi-grain bread, which is bound to be much healthier, so I can cut it a bit thicker for a proper sandwich. And as lettuce actually has negative calories I calculated the total for my daily elevenses (below) at a healthy 150 calories all-up.

Oh yes, I have no problems at all keeping to a strict 2000 calories a day and the only reason my scales seem to say otherwise is that they are getting on a bit and the springs are bound to get a bit weaker with wear... your honour.

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